


Another Destiel High School AU

by itskindaafangirlthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Crushes, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, I'm making it up as I go, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Slow Burn, Soft Castiel/Dean Winchester, Teenage Castiel/Teenage Dean Winchester, Underage Drinking, but also sometimes cas pov, dean being soft as in "don't ever change"(05x04)- soft, dean is scared of fires, dean struggling to accept his bisexuality, drama club, he doesn't realize for quite some time though, mostly Dean POV, not too much though, special christmas chapter (chap6)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itskindaafangirlthing/pseuds/itskindaafangirlthing
Summary: Missing credits to graduate High School, Dean Winchester is forced to join the Drama Club. After only arriving at the school a year ago, he is scared to have his newly appointed status as one of the football guys tarnished. He plans to have as little to do with the Club and its members, as he can. It seems to be almost impossible though, as he finds himself developing a crush on the dark haired, blue eyed Castiel, who along with his friends Charlie, Garth and Bess, teaches Dean some valuable lessons about love and friendship.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38





	1. Welcome to the Drama Club

“What about the Drama Club?”

Dean looked at his friend in disbelief. Why did he sound serious, when he must be joking? When Dean went to ask his friends for help, after being told he needed to join an additional Club at the school, to get enough credits to graduate, he didn’t expect to hear **that**. He expected to get some unserious answers, but somehow Benny’s suggestion seemed genuine.

“You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m serious. My brother had the same issue back in High School. He somehow messed up with the courses he took, thought football would be enough and it wasn’t. Because he has no other talents whatsoever, he joined the drama club and ended up just playing a tree and that was it.”, Benny explained and to Dean’s surprise, it actually made sense.

“I think you’d be an excellent tree.”, Crowley now joked, obviously thinking it was hilarious that Dean was about to fail his senior year. 

“Well it beats Chess Club, I guess.”, Dean shrugged.

“And it doesn’t clash with football practice, so you won’t have problems doing both.”, Benny went further, being at least one friend that was actually trying to help.

“Football Player and Drama Diva Dean Winchester. Sounds good, I’d say.”, Alastair joined in on the teasing.

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed. “Drama Club it is then.”

The next week, after Dean had enrolled in the Drama Club, he made his way to the small theater they had in the basement of the school. He sometimes asked what it actually was that got him to the point in his life where he had to join the Drama Club, in a school, he only just stopped being the “new Kid” at and now had this risk of losing his newly established “football guy” status. Being forced to spend his Thursday afternoon with some nerds that actually enjoy being embarrassing in front of people and while probably being primarily girls, surely not the type of girls he liked. He saw a few students waiting in front of the backdoor, which was where he was told to go as well. He recognized some of them from his classes and even thinks one or two were friends with his brother, but he didn’t take the time to look at all of them carefully.

He was caught off guard a bit when a girl suddenly approached him. She was short, had bright red hair and looked at him with a friendly smile. Great, people talking to him was the last thing he wanted.

“Hey there, new guy. I’m Charlie.”, she excitedly stretched out her hand for him to shake it but Dean couldn’t be bothered.

“Well, I’m only here to get some extra credits, so.” He finished that sentence with waving at her ironically, before turning away and finding a quiet corner to stand in and look at his phone while waiting for the teacher. He really couldn’t wait for this to be over. 

After Dean suffered through what was a very uncomfortable, but luckily short, drama club session, he was finally free to go to football practice and afterwards walk home with his little brother Sam.

“So, how was Drama Club?”, Sam asked only half joking.

He didn’t know if Sam had talked to his friends from there or not.

“Just as horrible as I thought. Only nerds and we had to play these stupid games and somehow they were actually enjoying it.”

“Just because it’s not what you like, doesn’t mean it’s stupid and not enjoyable for others.”, Sam said, making sense as always, but that’s not what Dean was gonna admit.  
“Of course, you’d think that. You’re a nerd as well.”, Dean teased his little brother and gave him a little shoulder bump. “Anyway, this one girl actually tried introducing herself and talking to me. Are they all really that desperate to make friends?”

Sam shook his head. 

“You know, maybe this whole thing would be a bit more enjoyable for you if you actually got along with some of them. Maybe even made friends. I am sure she only tried to be nice. But of course that’s not something you’d consider. Just get off your high horse, it’s no one’s but your fault that you have to go there. At least try and make the best of it.”

The following week, having reflected on what Sam had said, Dean decided to follow his brother’s advice. He doesn’t need to make friends, but he should at least apologize. Having people not like him there was probably not helpful either.

So when it came to the next meeting, Dean tried to arrive a bit earlier than he normally would, which means actually on time. He was lucky though, that he meeting hadn’t started yet. The red haired girl wasn’t here waiting yet, either.

But as soon as she arrived he approached her.

“Hey, Charlie?”, he said, hoping he got her name right, after only having had that one encounter with her.

“What?”, she said and raised her eyebrows. A cold attitude, that Dean probably deserved.

“I just want to apologize for being a bit harsh last week. I’m not too happy about being here, but I shouldn’t have let it out on you. You just tried to be nice and I really appreciate that.”, he apologized and tried to give her a small smile.

She nodded sympathetically, “Okay. I get it, pretty boy. I accept your apology.”

“Thanks, I really just wanna make the best of … all this.”, he said and wildly gestured around him, which he immediately regret and wondered how stupid he must have looked.

Charlie smiled, “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the gang.”, without waiting for a reply, she grabbed Dean by the arm and approached a small group of people standing not too far away from them.

“This is Dean. He’s new here. He’s an idiot and doesn’t take this club seriously.”, She introduced him and Dean realized he was probably not gonna hear the end of this. Fair enough.

He looked at two people in front of him. There was a tall, but very thin guy, wearing a funny hat. He was the first one to nod “hello”, and introduce himself as “Garth”. Next to him stood a blonde girl named “Bess”, who Dean knew from his english class. Judging by them holding hands, he assumed they were a couple. Dean and her awkwardly shook hands before falling into a short minute of silence.

“Only one is missing now.”, Charlie said and looked around until something seemed to have caught her eyes.

Dean followed her gaze and oh dear was it eye catching.

“Cas!”, she exclaimed and signaled the boy, who captured Dean’s gaze, to join them.

Dean was shaken for a moment. When he saw the dark haired boy his heart suddenly did this thing that he couldn’t really explain and his eyes just didn’t want to move. Why was he so affected by his appearance? And how had he never noticed him before?

“Cas, this is Dean, he just joined the Drama Club. Dean, this is Castiel, the last one of our group. He’s a bit awkward but you’ll get used to it.”, she introduced the two.

“I am not awkward.”, Castiel tried defending himself, but a small snort from Garth, told Dean that they didn’t really believe that. His voice was way deeper than you’d expect it to be, but it somehow still fit him. Or at least Dean thought so, after all, he had only known this Castiel for the huge amount of one minute.

The meeting was a bit different then the one last week. Instead of starting off with some games, the teacher made them sit in a circle to talk about what play they would do. Dean wasn’t really interested, all he wanted was a small part that got him the credits but no embarrassment. He was hopeful though, as there were way more students in this club than he initially thought. Surely, there wouldn’t be enough parts for everyone. Every time he tried to listen to them discussing if they should do a musical, or comedy piece or drama piece, or whatever things Dean had no clue about, he immediately drifted off. And a few more times then he’d liked, he found his mind follow his eyes, as they kept glancing to Castiel. He wasn’t someone at the front of this discussion, but he did seem invested. Which was good, because he might have caught Dean staring otherwise. He wasn’t really staring to be fair, why would he be, but something about these blue eyes, combined with that blue sweater he wore, just kept Dean feeling like an invisible force was making him look at him. Luckily, he sat diagonal in front of him, so it wasn’t too obvious.

“So it’s decided.”, Dean suddenly felt as if someone had just woken him up.

He looked at the time and realized it was already the end of the meeting. He really had no idea what they had decided on and he was actually wondering if he had fallen asleep. It went over way faster apparently while he was stuck in his thoughts.

“So, what do you think? Are you happy with this play?”, Charlie asked him as they were leaving the room.s

“Honestly? I didn’t listen. I don’t even know what you decided on. I just want to be a tree in the background and that’s it.”, he explained.

Charlie laughed, “If you don’t want to be on stage, I’m sure we can find you a job behind the scenes. There’s plenty to do, this club isn’t just about acting on stage.”

“Really? Will I still get the same credits?” he asked but quickly added, “But I won’t do make up or anything like that.” 

The thought of having to paint people’s faces makes him shiver. Not just because he thinks he’d be bad at it, but because he’d have to be so close to so many different people.

“Don’t worry, pretty boy. How about stage lightning? Or taking care of the sound system? That’s always something we’re shorthanded on. We can ask the teacher together next week.”

Dean nodded in agreement. He felt a small tone of her thinking he’d be too anxious to ask the teacher himself. It was only half-true because he felt like it would make a bad impression if he went there and asked, when it was obvious he wished he didn’t have to be there at all. It annoyed him a bit that Charlie saw that and said it, but he decided to let it rest. In all honesty, he actually liked the prospect of helping with the lightning or sound. It’s something he thought could be interesting and fun to learn. He even thought he had seen a book about it at his uncle Bobby’s house once, which he could borrow. 

Outside the theater, Castiel, Garth and Bess joined them.

“You wanna join us for lunch?, Garth asked very casually, which took Dean by surprise.

He knew if anyone saw him having lunch with a bunch of nerds, he’d never hear the end of it. Luckily, he already had an excuse, that he didn’t even have to make up.

“I can’t. I have football practice right after Drama club.”, he explained and pointed at the gym bag over his arm.  
“So when do you eat?”, Bess asked, knowing there was only a ten minute break between last period and Drama Club.

“I get a snack on the way, it’s enough.”

It wasn’t really, but coming late to football practice wasn’t an option, so he always bought a bag of crisps at the vending machine before drama club and then ate it on the way to the football field. 

The group in front of him looked at him in disapprovement, but Dean didn’t fancy talking about this when it was such a small thing. He nodded them goodbye and left for football practice. He was still close enough though, to catch a bit of their conversation.

“Why doesn’t his mum just make him lunch to take with him?”, Garth said.

“I think she died.”, Bess answered, which made Dean feel that pain in his stomach again. It was something that happened every time his mum was mentioned. He didn’t know how Bess knew about that, but at least he knew now, that he wouldn’t have to tell them in the future when the subject came up. Which it always did. 

After football practice, Dean and his friends were standing outside the school. Dean was waiting for Sam while Crowley and Alastair were smoking. Dean was the only one in the group who didn’t regularly smoke. If he did, then only at parties, or before exams.

“So, how was nerd club, Dean?”, Alastair provokingly said, making Crowley laugh,

Dean knew he was gonna get teased until Sam would arrive now. He didn’t blame them, it’s not like he wouldn’t make fun of them for the same thing either. But he did wish Benny was here, at least he always tries to keep the teasing from getting too much.

“I don’t know, I think I slept through half of it.”, Dean answered, trying to not be bothered.

“Oh really? Were you auditioning for the role of sleeping beauty?”, Crowley joked.

“I think Dean would make a really pretty princess.”, Alastair tried imitating wearing a dress and twirled around, fluttering his eyelashes.

“Ooh noo. I am Princess Dean of Kansas and I got abducted by an evil, evil dragon. I need a strong prince to come and save me or I will die.”, Alastair acted with a high pitch voice and pretended to faint afterwards. Crowley of course, was laughing, but Dean only rolled his eyes. He was really tired from a long day and wished he didn’t have to endure his friend’s usual stupidity. Luckily, Sam appeared and he got to leave the idiots to themselves.

When Dean and his brother were out of reach, Sam turned to him.

“Why are you friends with them if they’re this rude to you?”, he asked his brother. 

Dean was surprised by his brother’s directness. He knew he didn’t like his friends but he only ever made subtle hints.

“They were just joking.”

Dean saw that Sam was about to argue, but being tired, he tried to shut it down immediately.

“You wouldn’t get it, Sammy. It’s guy stuff, you’re only friends with girls anyway.”

He saw Sam roll his eyes and was sure he was a bit offended now, but Dean was just glad to not have to talk about it. All he wanted was get home, lie in his bed and get some fucking peace and quiet for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, I am proud of you. I will try and actually finish this fic and am positive I will do, given the rage inflicted in me by the mess the last two episodes were. Anyway, english is not my first language nor am I good at grammar, so bear with me 🙈 I can't say yet how long this will be and for how long this will go on, but I can promise it will be multichapter with at least 10 of them. Idk what else to say, but always feel free to either contact me via my tumblr, @sebsluckycoin or just comment on this fic :)✌️


	2. Becoming Friends

When Dean walked into the Drama Club meeting, only a few people were already there. Charlie was talking to someone he didn’t know, Castiel was sitting on one of the chairs, looking at his phone and Garth and Bess didn’t seem to be here yet. Not wanting to be introduced to yet another person, Dean made his way over to sit down next to Castiel.

“What’s up, Cas?”, Dean asked, and Castiel looked up at him. “Or do people not call you that?”, he quickly said, not being sure if he just gave the dark haired boy a new nickname or used an existing one, barely even knowing him.   
“No, not really, but it’s okay. I kinda like it.”, he shrugged it off and put his phone away.

“Actually,” Castiel then continued and got something out of his backpack next to him. “I was hoping to see you, I got you something.”, he gave Dean what seemed to be a sandwich, wrapped in tinfoil.

Surprised and startled Dean took it.

“I had a free period before, and got myself something to eat anyway. And I know you don’t have time to get something before football practice, so I thought I’d get you something as well.”

Dean noticed the boy’s cheeks getting a bit red, he was probably scared Dean would react badly. It was quite the opposite though. Dean felt flattered and couldn’t hide his smile. This was a small gesture, but Dean really appreciated it. It only took him aback a bit, he wasn’t used to people taking care of him like this, even if it was just a sandwich.

“Thanks, Cas.”, he said and got the probably softest smile he had ever seen in return. Dean tried not to stare at Castiel, neither did he mean for his eyes to glance at his soft lips, but something about this boy made him lose all control. He managed to go back to looking at the blue eyes in front of him but he couldn’t shake this feeling inside his chest he just got. He tried to find something to say to break this silence and the two of them just smiling at each other, before it got too awkward, but they were interrupted before he could say anything.

“Dean! Let’s go ask the teacher about you joining the technic-team, before the meeting starts!”, Charlie, with her usual enthusiasm, which Dean is surprisingly slowly starting to adore, took him by the arm and led him to the teacher. Charlie did most of the talking and the teacher actually seemed glad to have someone, who willingly wants to do this stuff. She asked Dean how much knowledge he had, he said barely, but that he’s willing to try and it wasn’t even a lie. It surprised him himself that he was lowkey excited to learn about this stuff. He would never admit it out loud, especially not in front of his friends, but somehow he felt like this year in Drama Club might not end up being so horrible after all. 

He also had to give the teacher his phone number, so he could be added to the unofficial drama club group chat but then he and Charlie returned to Cas, who now was joined by Garth and Bess.

While they were waiting for the teacher to start the meeting, Dean took the time to eat the sandwich Cas had gotten for him, whilst the others were busy discussing some episode of some show, Dean had never heard about. He did exchange a small approving nod with Castiel though, as he tasted the sandwich and realized he somehow got him his third favourite sandwich overall.

When the meeting finally started, the teacher started by allocating everyone their respective roles. 

“I know you’re most interested in the main roles, so let’s start with that.”, the teacher began, and took out her glasses to read the sheet of paper she was holding. This woman truly filled every cliché of a drama teacher. 

“So the male lead, to no one’s surprise, will be Castiel. We all know you were supposed to do it last time and couldn’t, so here’s your chance. Female lead then, will be Hannah, I just felt like she fits the character description best. Charlie, you will be playing nurse Rose.”, she kept on talking and giving out roles, but Dean stopped listening to look over at Cas and Charlie. They seemed genuinely excited about getting these roles and some of the students congratulated them. Dean liked them, but he still didn’t get how they could be happy about this. As they were both named early, it must be big roles, so they’d be on stage the most, he guessed. Which means maximum possible time to make a fool of yourself and be embarrassing. He did wonder though what had kept Castiel from doing the lead role last time, if he was supposed to. 

Once the teacher had given everyone their respective part, they started to read through the script. Dean got instructed to read the stage directions. This was actually the first time he even realized what the play was about.

“Wait, so this plays in England, but none of us are even british?”, he thought out loud, not noticing, that this was probably the first time he said something, that the whole room would hear, without being specifically called upon. 

Due to Dean’s comment Garth was prompted to take a line on the first page and try to say it, faking a british accent. Unsurprisingly, he horribly failed, making everyone, including Dean, laugh out loud. Dean’s laughter didn’t even come from a place of thinking it was stupid, he geniuenly thought it was funny. He stopped though, pretty quickly, once he realized that. He couldn’t let through that he sometimes actually enjoyed being here. While everyone else was still laughing at Garth, who continued his failed attempt at sounding british, Dean looked around the room, until his eyes stopped at a laughing Castiel. He had never seen the dark-haired boy this expressive but he really liked seeing him smile like that. Not wanting to further his thoughts though, he turned to the script in front of him again. Finally, everyone went back to focus and they started making their way through the script.

The session went over pretty fast, but this time it wasn’t because Dean had barely been paying attention. Having to read the instructions, he was actually forced to focus on the script and found it not to be as bad as he imagined. He still cringed at a lot of the dialogue, but he had prepared himself for some princess fairytale story, so ending up with a story about the first world war, seemed far more interesting. And without daring to ever admit it, he really enjoyed spending time with “the gang”, as Charlie called them. Hiding a laugh about Garth’s unfunny jokes, Bess teasing her boyfriend, Charlie always coming to Dean’s rescue when he didn’t understand something, it all just felt so natural and easy. Even when they were talking about this girl and kept debating if she was checking out Charlie or Dean, it seemed like such a personal thing to talk about but somehow they didn’t make it awkward or uncomfortable. It was only Castiel, that Dean wished would be a bit more open. He didn’t necessarily feel like he disliked him, but somehow it seemed that he was more closed off towards him than the others.

Charlie and Castiel were sitting at the bus stop waiting, they had missed the initial bus, after talking too long to their Drama teacher about the costumes for the play.

“Just me, or was today’s meeting more fun than usual?”, Charlie started the conversation.

Castiel shrugged, “I guess. It was probably the excitement for the play and that we can finally start.”

He did have fun today, there were a lot of jokes and he was really glad Dean reacted well to his gesture. He had really been scared that he would find it weird that Castiel had brought him something to eat, but he just wanted to be nice. It bothers him that he can’t really make out Dean yet.

As if she knew what Castiel was thinking about, Charlie switched the subject.

“Dean seemed to enjoy himself more today. I think he’s starting to actually like drama club. And I definitely know drama club is happy to have the eye candy.”

Cas sighed, “Yeah, he’s pretty hot, isn’t he?”

‘ _ Pretty hot _ ’ seemed like an understatement. There was no denying that Dean Winchester was probably one of the best looking guys in their school and it was definitely talked about a lot between drama club people now and arguably probably around the rest of the school too. It’s funny though, Dean had been at their school for a whole year, yet Castiel had never heard of him and suddenly he shows up in drama club and he’s all everyone talks about. 

“When I first introduced him to you guys, I wasn’t sure. But I think, if he keeps opening up, he might really fit in our group.”, Charlie said, making Castiel call back to the moment he met Dean and had these green eyes stare through him like a sharp sword. 

“I don’t know.”, Castiel voiced his worries, “I don’t trust him. I sometimes worry we’re just waiting to get screwed over.”

“I get that. I worry too sometimes, but I think we should give him a chance. We got his number now that he’ll be added to the group chat, maybe we should ask him to hang out, outside of drama club.”

Castiel huffed, “You really think he’s there yet?”

He can’t really see Dean accepting that, though to be fair he reacted way better to Castiel bringing him food and Garth’s jokes, than he would have expected. Actually, he was very friendly and open throughout the whole meeting today. And Castiel worried what that might mean for him in the long run.

“Probably not. But I do think there’s more to him than he lets on, so we’ll see.”, Charlie admitted.

And with that the subject was closed. At least for now.

One week later, Dean walked into the drama club meeting, finding the others there. They must be trying on costumes, though Dean didn’t really feel like whatever Cas was wearing fitted the play they were doing.

“This doesn’t really fit the character now, does it?”, Dean expressed his disapprovement, while gesturing at Cas’ outfit. He wore a simple striped shirt and what seemed to be dark brown overalls, in a very modern cut, that might suit his figure, but definitely not the time period their play was in. “Is this even accurate for the setting of our play?”

He must have said something wrong, because the group suddenly went silent, when he had heard them talk before he arrived. Castiel’s face seemed terribly uncomfortable all of a sudden, while Charlie gave Dean a death stare, joined by Bess, who softly kicked Garth for visibly holding back a little chuckle.

“What?”, Dean asked, super confused now. Though it suddenly dawned upon him.

“You’re not actually trying on costumes for the play, are you?”, he asked embarrassed.

“No, this is his normal outfit.”, Charlie answered, offended on Castiel’s behalf.

Dean was so embarrassed, he was trying to find words to say, but the teacher started the meeting, making Charlie and Castiel go up on stage to play through the scene they last ended with. Dean made his way to one of the audience chairs and wished he could just sink into it and never emerge again. He felt like he should apologize, but why? It is not like he never made fun of someone for their clothes before. It was just that he didn’t want to already mess everything up on only the fourth drama club meeting. He really wanted to get along with these people and he probably really should apologize to Cas.

Finally, when Castiel was released from stage after what felt like a lot of scenes, they really weren't joking when saying he was the lead role, Dean went to sit next to where Cas had sat down.

“Cas, I’m sorry, for what I said earlier. I don’t think what you’re wearing looks like a costume. If you think about it, I actually think the opposite or I wouldn’t have said it doesn’t fit.”, Dean tried talking his way out of this awkward situation. “Anyway, it was out of order, I’m sorry.”

Dean surprised himself, his apology seemed quite sincere, he wasn’t sure when the last time that had happened was. To Dean’s relief though, Castiel smirked.

“Don’t worry. I’m not the biggest fan of your collection of flannels either.”, Cas smugly said.

Slightly offended, Dean bumped his elbow against Castiel’s arm. “Hey. Don’t mock my style.”

They both chuckled and Dean was relieved to find he hadn’t already ruined everything. The mood between them immediately changed and the awkwardness from before was gone. Dean was glad they could laugh it off like this. Actually, he felt like because of his apology, and the slight drag of his flannels, they seemed to have made a bigger step forwards in their understanding of each other. Wanting to keep the momentum, Dean started to engage a conversation.

“So, are you relieved to finally get a break? Seemed to have been on that stage for at least half an hour.”, he said, pointing out the time he had spent waiting to apologize.   
“Well it’s not called the ‘lead’ for nothing.”, he said but then sighed, “I’m not looking forward to learning all that dialogue though. The monologue on the last page will be hell.”

“I’m sure you can master it. So far you’re doing… you’re great.”, Dean said with a smile. He didn’t want to give out too big a compliment, that wasn’t his style, but even though they hadn’t gone further than trying to act the scenes while still reading from the script, Castiel seemed to be a real talent in acting. As far as Dean could judge that.

“Thanks.”, Cas said and gave Dean that soft smile he remembered from last week. The one that made something twist in his stomach. They talked a bit more, about the play and their favourite places to eat or get coffee, but after some time they got interrupted by the teacher.

“Sorry if we were talking too loud.”, Castiel immediately apologized, which is something Dean didn’t even think of.

“No, no don’t worry. I’m just here to talk to Dean.”, the teacher said and turned to Dean.

Now he saw that she had brought another student with her. Dean thought to recognize him from his math class.

“This is David. He’s in charge of all the technical things. He will show you how everything works, so you guys can get started on all that as soon as possible.”

She leaves them to it and this David guy introduces himself, before signalling Dean to follow him. Dean quickly nods Castiel goodbye, before leaving with David. He leads him to this room behind the stage of the theater. It’s where they keep all the microphones, speakers, headlights and all the other technical things. David starts explaining all the basics and Dean tries his best to keep up with it.

After what didn’t feel as long as it apparently was, Dean and David returned to an empty theatre. Quickly, Dean checked the time and realized he was running late for football practice. He didn’t even bother saying goodbye to David. Hastily he grabbed his things and made his way to the football changing rooms.

After a long and exhausting football practice, at which he got told off for being late, Dean finally was home. He had taken a shower and now let himself fall onto his bed. He took out his phone, for the first time since this morning probably and checked his messages. He was surprised to find Charlie on his instagram inbox, having sent him a meme about their play. To be fair it was quite funny and Dean was surprised there were people making memes about this. He clicked on the site she had sent it from and found himself looking at multiple memes making fun of exactly the things in the play, he had worried only he saw. He must have spent quite some time scrolling through this account, as he somehow reached the first post made. Did he really just spend that much time looking at memes about a nerdy theatre play? He was a bit surprised with himself, especially given that he kept realizing that he was starting to hate drama club less and less. It’s not what he had imagined for himself and his last year at high school. His thoughts got interrupted by a melodic knocking on his door. 

“What?”, he asks, knowing his little brother’s signature knock.

As expected, Sam opened the door. “Dad just told me to tell you we’ll have to spend the weekend at uncle bobby’s because he’ll be gone for work again.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Great. He liked being at Bobby’s, but he hated being away from all his things here. He didn’t get why Sam and he weren’t allowed to spend a weekend by themselves. They were definitely both old enough. 

“Yeah fine, I’ll wait for you tomorrow then. You still got class last period right?”, Dean asked, knowing being at Bobby's meant waiting for Sam’s classes to end so Bobby could pick them up, even though Dean would be finished early.

“Yes, sorry.”, Sam apologized as if it was his fault. It wasn’t. It was their dad not letting them live their own lives. At last being at Bobby’s meant Dean could look for that book about stagecraft.

The following day, Dean tried to find himself a nice spot outside to wait for Sam. As it was November, it was quite cold, but Dean didn’t mind. He didn’t feel like waiting inside with so many people around. His friends already went home, so he decided to use the time to go through the script of the play for drama club. He wanted to highlight the relevant things for adding sound effects or changes in lightning. 

He must have been very focused, because he was quite startled when he suddenly heard someone say his name. He looked up from his script to see Castiel approaching. 

“Is last period already over?”, Dean asked confused, knowing he had already been sitting here for a bit, but not *that* long. 

Castiel stood next to the bench Dean was sitting on. “No, it’s only like 10 or 15 minutes on, I’m just leaving now because I had to discuss something with my spanish teacher about this essay we have to write.”

Dean only nodded in response but kept looking at the dark haired boy in front of him. He was wearing a bright blue Beanie which Dean felt suited his dark hair and matched his blue eyes. The grey turtleneck, beige trenchcoat combo was something Dean normally would make fun of but it suited Cas pretty well.

“Is this our script?”, Cas asked, interrupting Dean’s train of thought and staring which he hopefully hadn’t noticed.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to make some notes. Get some ideas for the lights and sound effects and all that.”, Dean explained. It seemed like Castiel was thinking about something for a few moments, as if he had a decision to make.

“Do you want my help?”, he then finally asked, “I’ve seen multiple renditions of the play, with all sorts of different technical support.”

“Sure, why not.”, Dean answered without thinking about it for a second. “If you don’t mind the cold.”, he then added, realizing it might not be everyone’s choice to be outside with these temperatures. 

“I’m well equipped.”, Cas said and took out a pair of gloves from his pocket before sitting down next to him. 

They went through the first few scenes of the script together, and arguably would have gotten a lot further, if they didn’t keep drifting off and talking about all sorts of things. While Cas kept telling Dean about different plays, musicals and TV shows he should watch, Dean kept talking about his favourite bands and songs and some nerdy stuff his brother did. Time went by pretty fast and while he would never dare to admit it out loud, Dean had enjoyed this time with Castiel so much, he almost felt sad when he saw the first students leave the building, knowing it was about to end. Cas seemed to have noticed the time as well. As he picked up his bag and got up.

“There the time went.”, he said and smiled. “Anyway, I can send you some videos from that one scene, I’ll take your number from the group chat.”

“Oh yeah, thanks. Also for helping me with this.”, Dean signaled to the script, before putting it back in his backpack.

“No Problem. See you next week.”, Castiel said before leaving Dean and making his way towards the bus stations.

Dean got up as well and made his way closer to the school entrance, to wait for Sam. Somehow, he now really was excited thinking about the next drama meeting.

It didn’t take long for Castiel to text Dean and send him the respective links. Dean in response shared his playlist of overall favourite songs. Having started this conversation now, they kept texting throughout the rest of the weekend, and Dean kept telling Cas about the things he read in Bobby’s book, and how they could implement that in their interpretation of the play. He found himself more and more invested and even excited at the thought of going to drama club next week. For the first time in a long time he was excited to go back to school after a weekend and he would be lying if he said that it wasn’t partly at the thought of seeing Castiel again.

  
  


On Sunday evening, just as Dean and his brother were picked up by their father, Dean got a text message from the drama club group chat. It was their teacher telling them that on Tuesday afternoon, they would go to the school’s attic, where they keep all the costumes from previous plays, to see what they can use again. Simultaneously, Dean was added to another group chat by Charlie. It includes her, Garth, Bess and of course Castiel.

_‘We thought about going to a movie on Tuesday after the costume thing, do you wanna join @Dean_?’

Charlie texted. Dean replied to tell them he won’t join the thing on Tuesday afternoon, as he won’t have to. He thought it was nice they asked him, but he really didn’t fancy going through costumes, no matter how much he started to enjoy spending time with them.

_‘You can still join us at the cinema then_ ’ Bess replied, making Dean feel like they actually wanted him there. It felt good.

He really wanted to say ‘yes’ but some part of him stopped him from replying just yet. If this were his friends asking he would have said yes. He hadn’t been to go see a movie in ages and he did really enjoy spending time with the drama club gang. But he was worried. He wasn’t supposed to fit in and spend time with people from drama club. He wasn’t supposed to get along with anyone, let alone meet them outside of the scheduled classes. He sometimes felt like there must be some hidden agenda, what did he do to deserve them being nice to him? For them everything about him must scream ‘bully’ but somehow they have been the nicest and most welcoming people he’s met since changing schools. 

“I think you should go.”

Dean quickly flipped his phone, so the screen was pointed downwards. Annoyed, he looked at his little brother, who he had forgotten was sitting next to him in the car.

“Sam! I told you not to read my messages!”, he angrily told his brother, in disbelief of the audacity he had.

“Maybe if you didn’t always have your screen brightness on 100% that would be easier.”, Sam wittingly answered.

“Anyway, do you want to go?”, Sam then asked, knowing what Dean was thinking about. 

Quickly, Dean checked if their dad in the front seat was listening in on their conversation, but it didn’t seem like it. He was listening to the radio instead. It’s not like he would care what they were talking about anyway.

“I think so, but-”; he tried explaining but Sam cut him off.

“Then go. Stop worrying about everything all the time or you’ll never enjoy anything. If you want to go, go. If not, don’t. Sometimes it’s as easy as that.”

Sometimes Dean despised Sam for being so smart. He was surprisingly good at giving advice for a 15 year old. But he was right. He should stop overthinking everything, after all, this was only about going to see a movie with a group of people. No one asked him to make ‘BFFs forever’-bracelets and get matching tattoos.

‘ _Okay, I’m in_.’, he quickly texted and got an approving nod from Sam, being reminded to turn his phone to the other side when texting and sitting next to his nosy brother.

The movie they chose to watch, was a probably overhyped action movie, that benefited from using popular actors and impressive stunts. Dean liked it though and was surprised the others had suggested it. They had met in front of the cinema and talked a bit before the movie had started. During the movie, Dean was sat next to Charlie and a stranger, he didn’t want to make a fuss about seating arrangements and offered to be the one to take that seat. Luckily, the stranger was quiet and didn’t complain about the snacks Charlie had snuck in.

After the movie they made their way to a close by Burger place. Dean and Castiel were walking a bit behind the other three, talking about the youtube clips Cas had sent him and Dean pressuring Cas to choose a favourite song from the ones Dean sent him. Cas insisted he couldn’t just choose one song like that and that he hadn’t even had time to listen to a four hour long playlist for that long.

When they arrived at the Burger place, they seemed to be in luck, as it was only half filled and they immediately got a good spot. When they were ordering, Dean took notice of Charlie and Castiel both ordering vegetarian Burger options. Once the waiter left, Dean immediately turned to them.

“Veggie Burgers? Seriously? That’s a disgrace.”, he said, remembering the first time Sam had ordered a vegetarian burger and Dean almost throwing hands with him right there and then.

“It’s what I keep trying to tell them.”, Garth then said, agreeing with Dean.

“Don’t mock it until you try it.”, Charlie said, obviously not being really bothered. 

“And I’d never take advice from someone with your taste, Garth.”, Castiel dug at Garth, while making space on the table for the drinks the waiter was just now bringing.

“Eh, excuse me?”, Bess said offended and waited for Castiel to explain himself.   
“Not you, Bess. You’re the one thing he got right. I’m talking about this stupid hat he was wearing today. I get that it’s cold but Garth, please. You look ridiculous.”, Cas explained and Dean felt so relieved.

“Thank God.”, he exclaimed. “I’ve wanted to say something about that hat all day, but I didn’t want a repeat of last week.”

Everyone, except Garth, who immediately started defending his questionable fashion choice, laughed. Dean was glad, Garth didn’t seem too offended and Dean really enjoyed making people laugh. It made him feel like he was actually appreciated here.

They continued like this throughout their meal, a bit of laughter, some harmless making fun of Garth, who took it with humour, talking about their families, though Dean held back on that one and just enjoyed talking to each other. It wasn’t until they were waiting for the waiter to come back for them to pay, that they started really discussing the movie they previously watched. It was actually Charlie who started, pointing out some serious misogynistic plot points, that Dean hadn’t noticed before, but he realized now, how right she was. Bess agreed and they discussed it for a bit, before Charlie said something that Dean had taken notice of as well, right at the beginning of the movie. 

“The female lead was hot, though.”, she pointed out and Dean immediately agreed.

“Definitely.”, Dean said and looked at Garth expecting approval.

“Don’t look at me, I got the hottest girl sitting next to me.”, he said, getting softly pushed by Bess, who rolled her eyes. “Cheesy.”, she said and everyone laughed.

Dean turned to Cas, “She was hot, right?”

Suddenly everyone went quiet and Charlie seemed to almost choke on the last bit of coke she still had left. Dean wondered if he said something wrong? He was confused, he and his friends talked about stuff like this all the time. They literally already were talking about it. So what was different now?

“I guess so.”, Cas answered but it didn’t break the uncomfortable atmosphere that had suddenly appeared. Dean wondered if he should ask if he said something wrong, but Bess saved the situation first by changing the subject.

“Dean, have we told you that one of the costumes ripped today when Jordan tried it on?”, she started and it didn’t take long for the others to join in on telling the story. Only Castiel seemed a bit held back still, but by the time they parted ways at the end of the evening, even that seemed to have resolved itself. Maybe Dean had only imagined the awkwardness before. Either way, he really had fun and was happy he had agreed to join them.

Later on, Charlie and Castiel were walking to the parking lot they had arranged for Charlie’s parents to pick them up at. Castiel was glad they were always willing to drive him home as well, or else he might not have been able to join the others a lot of times.

“It was nice that Dean was there today. I had a lot of fun.”, Charlie started a conversation.

“Yeah, not gonna lie, I wasn’t sure he would show up at first, but was glad when he did.”, Castiel said. “Still not sure how much we can trust him though.”

It’s what he kept telling himself. Don’t trust him, don’t let him come too close. Don’t give him any power or reason to make Castiel end up hurt.

“That’s why you didn’t tell him, isn’t it?”, Charlie said, as if Castiel was supposed to know what she was talking about. He didn’t.

“Tell him what?”, he asked confused.

“That you’re gay. You had the perfect opportunity, but you didn’t. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, he doesn’t mind that I’m gay.”, she rambled on.

Cas sighed, he had thought about mentioning it, but the situation had ended up quite awkward. “I know he’d be okay. I don’t worry about his reaction necessarily. But I can’t tell how close he is to his friends. You know I don’t mind people knowing, but I’m also not in the mood to get bullied about it. And Dean is friends with this Alastair dude from my spanish class I told you about.”, he explained.

“The one always making stupid comments when you talk?”, Charlie asked to confirm.

“Yes, that one. I don’t want to make a big deal about it and tell Dean not to tell his friends but I also just don’t want to risk anything. He might be okay with you because you’re a girl, what if he’s gonna be weird if I tell him? I’d just rather not.”

“I respect that.”, Charlie said and closed the subject.

Castiel knew though, the next time there would be an awkward moment like before, she would probably bring it up again. He didn’t blame her. She was probably worried it would accidentally slip out or something, after all, they were so used to making gay jokes with each other. But he really couldn’t risk telling Dean. He didn’t want him to start being weird with him, that had happened with enough guy friends he had told. And he really enjoyed starting to become friends with Dean. At least for now it was still enjoyable. He was well aware this could end really badly for him, the more time he spends with Dean. He knew exactly what was going to happen, he probably knew the second he first saw him when Charlie introduced him. He would keep trying to fight it, but it was inevitable. He would end up falling for him, he just knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter was never supposed to be this long, and I doubt I will keep up Chapters of this capacity, but yeah. I apologize if it's a bit chaotic, I didn't expect to have this much content planned for one chapter.


	3. Torn

When Castiel had arrived at this week’s rehearsal, he immediately got taken backstage by one of the students that was in charge of costumes. He had hoped he would have some say in what to wear, but because he portrayed the main character, he probably would have to leave it to someone else. It seemed like everyone was busier today than usual, which was probably because they finally got to the point where everyone had something to do. There were only a few people able to sit in the audience, actually watching the rehearsal instead of working on something. Castiel regretted that Dean was one of the people who had something to do. After all of them went to see a movie two days ago, his what used to be a small, harmless crush, had only gotten worse. To the point he asked himself if what he wore was something Dean wouldn’t like again, or spending all of yesterday hoping to see him in the hallway. He normally did, he knew Dean’s friend’s lockers were opposite of his, so he sometimes got to see him there, but yesterday he didn’t. Today he thought to have caught a small glimpse of him in the morning, but he wasn’t sure. God, he must sound so pathetic if anyone could hear him. He really had to stop this crush. It even distracted him on stage, he would be trying to rehearse a scene and get distracted every time someone opened one of the doors to the multiple adjoined rooms, which happened a lot, as everyone seemed to be busy working on props. But it never was Dean. Hannah must have gotten annoyed with him as it really put a delay on their scenes, but luckily she seemed very patient. 

It was only once later, when Cas went to fill up his water bottle that he passed Dean. He smiled at him, hoping it would make him stop and they could talk for a bit, but he only brushed past him, without giving him a single glance. Cas wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. He felt so stupid being ignored like that. Maybe there was a chance he didn’t see him? But that just sounded like wishful thinking. Moments like these were exactly why he had to get rid of this crush.

  
  


After a very busy drama club meeting, in which Dean and David were busy marking all the things they would have to bring from storage to the theatre, Dean was actually glad to be at football practice now. He didn’t really need to use his brain too much here. He was a bit disappointed as well, he got to talk to Garth and Bess a bit today, but he hasn’t seen Charlie and Cas at all since Tuesday. They were probably trying on costumes or something when Dean was in the theatre, but still. He was a bit worried he somehow messed up when they were at the cinema and that worry won’t go away until he gets to talk to them again.

The guys around him were doing their usual locker room talks. Talking about parties, girls, football and Alastair went on about this nerd annoying him in spanish class. The usual.

“Dean, you’re coming tomorrow though, right?”, Benny now asked, getting Dean’s attention. He wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

“Huh?”, he asked for clarification.

“The party at Jason’s. It’s been ages since we last went to a party.”

Dean had to think for a second. Before, when he had been talking to Bess and Garth, they asked him if he wanted to go with them to this shop Charlie found for costumes. He had said yes, because while he might not care for the costumes, he really wanted to keep hanging out with them. Especially as he didn’t get to see Cas and Charlie today. But he figured he could probably do that and still go to the party afterwards. 

“Yeah, of course I’m coming.”, he then confirmed, making it sound like he didn’t even need to think about it.

“Good, pre game at my place at 7 then.”, Crowley said and they all agreed. Dean thought it might even be good to spend some time with his friends again. He only saw them in school lately and worried they might stop inviting him to things if he didn’t make an effort to show up. He also really was in the mood for a party again. It had been ages since he last got drunk and had fun like that. 

  
  


Dean had never ever been in a shop before, that was as chaotic and messy as the one Charlie had just led them to. There were all kinds of unorganized second hand clothes on racks around and a very impressive collection of funny hats. He already knew they’d make him try on some of them. As long as they won’t take pictures, he’d be fine. He was actually in a good mood, on the way here, he and Cas had talked the whole way through and he was glad to know they were good after Tuesday. 

They were trying on all sorts of costumes, they being Cas and Charlie mostly, and it was quite embarrassing, but Dean didn’t mind. It was a lot of fun. Maybe even the most fun he had had lately. They did not respect his no picture rule though. Bess kept taking pictures, saying they’re for the teacher, but Dean knew there was no point of her taking pics of him in stupid hats. He had way too much fun to care though. You wouldn’t expect it, but they also actually found things they could use for the play amidst all the messing around. 

“So, should we go get something to eat?”, Garth asked once they were outside again, after spending at least an hour in that shop. 

Dean remembered that he had to be at Crowley’s place by seven and therefore couldn’t go with them. It was okay though, he was actually looking forward to hanging out with his other friends as well. ‘Other friends’. Was he really at the point where he called the drama gang his friends? It seemed so. 

“Sorry, I got plans, I can’t.”, he then answered.   
“Yeah, me either.”, Charlie said as well, apparently also having different plans for a friday evening.

Cas and Bess agreed to Garth’s invitation, so they all said their goodbyes and parted ways for the day.

  
  


On his way to Crowley’s, Dean saw multiple notifications going off in the group chat with Cas, Charlie, Bess and Garth. It was Bess, sending the pictures she had taken before. He scrolled through them, smiling, remembering this fun day, then he stopped at two that were sent directly after another. The first one was him and Cas, in really stupid hats. Cas was wearing a tophat that had a glitter band wrapped around it while Dean had to wear this pink fluffy bunny hat that if you pulled one of the strings on the side, the ears would rise up. It looked hilarious, because Dean was wearing his usual dark coloured clothes, while he pulled a stupid face and Castiel next to him, stood there with a big grin, in his stupid bright blue sweather that Dean thought suited him so well, his hand raised in the shape of the peace sign. But mostly, he liked the picture because of the way looking at it made him feel. It was a good feeling. He wasn’t sure what it was but he liked it. 

The other picture that he moved to his favourites to keep, was the one of all of them together that the shopkeeper had taken before they left. Bess had suggested taking a group picture and now that Dean saw it, he was glad they took it. It was a memory of a really fun afternoon. 

  
  


When Dean and his friends arrived at the party, Alastair was already very drunk. Dean was able to control himself during the pre-gaming and had so far only gotten a bit tipsy, though he did intend on changing that in the course of the night. It was already a bit later than the initial party had started, so there were a lot of people already at the house. More than Dean had expected anyway. Who he definitely hadn’t expected to see was Charlie. He saw her, pouring herself a drink at the table with all the food and alcohol. He walked over and greeted her, the tipsy part allowing him to forget about his friends in this instance.

When Charlie saw him she smiled. “Should have known I might see you here.”, she said and grabbed a beer to offer it to Dean, who gladly accepted it.

“No offence, but I did not expect to see  _ you _ here.”, he then said, not even trying to hide his surprise. Not because he didn’t think Charlie wasn’t one for parties, he actually felt like going to a party with the drama gang, might be even more fun than with his guy friends. But you did need a certain ‘status’ to be invited or know about parties like these.

“I’m a bit offended.”, she said but still smiled, “Got invited by that hottie over there.”, she then explained and pointed to a blonde girl that Dean recognized from the cheerleading team. 

“Nice.”, he said, impressed. He wondered if Charlie could tell that he already was a bit tipsy, but he felt like she was as well so it didn’t really matter.

“Anyway, I better get back to her, gotta make it worth it, if I left Cas to be a third wheel tonight for this.”, she said before turning around to leave but promptly turned back to Dean again.

“Ha, would you look at that. Now I’m calling him Cas, too. You’re rubbing off on us.”

Dean laughed, “Sure. Now go get her tiger.”, he said and softly shoved her in the direction of the blonde girl. The thought of him giving Castiel a nickname that would be caught on by his friends as well, gave him a warm fuzzy feeling. But that might also just be the alcohol. Shoving that thought down, he took another big sip from his beer and then returned to find his friends. 

“Uuh, she's cute.”, Crowley said once Dean returned. It took him a second to realize that he was talking about Charlie.

“Oh, no no no. I’m… not her type.”, he said and gestured to her and the blonde girl, standing very close to each other now.   
“Oh, shame.”, Crowley then said, making Dean wonder if they’d ask him how he’d know her then. But luckily they didn’t. Knowing that he loved to rant and overshare when he was drunk, he really hoped no one would mention drama club tonight. And especially not Cas. No, what, not Cas. Why Cas, there was no reason, why Dean should differentiate between Cas and the rest of them. No reason.

“Anyway, Deano. We got something for you.”, Benny said with his eyebrows raised and giving Dean a slightly uncomfortable look. 

“Apparently, there’s a Cheerleader with a crush on you. They kept asking Jason questions about you and asked when you’d arrive tonight. My bets are it’s Lisa, she’s the one always checking you out.”, Alastair explained. 

Dean realized he had already finished his beer, now. He was currently debating on whether he should get something stronger this time. After all, it was free alcohol.   
“Dean? Did you hear what we just said?”, Crowley asked, getting Dean’s attention again. He knew his attention span was difficult to deal with under influence.

“Yeah, cheerleader wants me.”, he said, not knowing why it was such a big deal. It wasn’t like it was the first time a cheerleader tried to get with him.

“Okay so, go over there.”, Alastair said and grabbed him by the shoulders, to move him to the direction a group of cheerleaders were sitting.

Dean shrugged, he was here to have fun after all.

“Okay, why not. I’ll just get a drink first.”, he agreed and left his friends to get this evening going. To be honest it’s been a while since Dean had something going on with anyone. So a little drunk-flirting with a cheerleader and seeing where it goes, didn’t sound that bad. 

  
  


The following Monday, back at school, Dean and his friends were walking through the hallway. They were in a discussion about football, when Dean saw Cas and Bess standing in the hall, talking. He nods them hello, as he passes them and gets smiles in return. It gained him a confused look by Alastair. 

“Did you know these guys?”, he asked surprised.

Dean was confused as to why Alastair noticed who he greeted, let alone cared enough to ask about it.   
“Yeah, they’re just people from drama club. I was just tryna be nice.”, he said, not being in the mood to be made fun of for being friends with  _ nerds _ . 

“Interesting.”, Alastair then said as if he was thinking about something, but didn’t continue. Dean shrugged it off, as Alastair just being weird again. Regardless, Benny changed the subject.

“By the way, Dean. I saw Lisa this morning, nice hickey you left on her.”

Dean had almost forgotten about that, he was pretty drunk that evening, so was Lisa. It was fun, but not a big deal for him personally. Not the first time he made out with a girl at a party. 

Later, at the beginning of the first break, there was an Announcement, for all Drama Club members to meet in front of the teacher’s office. “Seriously?”, he exclaims and rolls his eyes.

He left his friends to go outside to smoke, as they always did in the break, even though Dean only ever joined without participating, and made his way to the meeting.

He found Castiel, Garth and Bess to already be there, waiting, and joined them. 

“You know what this is about?”, Dean asked, a bit annoyed, though he was feeling more anxious. It was weird, standing here in this group of people he and his friends would normally make fun of, just out in the open. He wouldn’t do it anymore, kind of even felt ashamed for the things he and his friends used to say about them, but still, he knew other people might still say the same things and now he was part of them.

“No idea.”, Garth then said, not helping Dean at all.

“Well done, Dean.”, Charlie cheered as she appeared from behind him. “Seems you and Lisa had quite some fun on friday.”

Suddenly Dean felt even more unease. “Yeah, whatever.”, he said, trying to shrug off the subject. Somehow it felt wrong talking about him making out with someone in front of Cas. Castiel and the rest of course. All of them. It was all of them he didn’t want to know about it. Not just Castiel. Why would it only be Cas he wouldn’t want to know. There was no reason for it. Also no reason as to why Dean didn’t look at Cas, fearing his reaction. 

“From what I’ve heard, you haven’t done so bad yourself either, Charlie.”, Bess now unfortunately continued. At least the conversation went to Charlie and this girl Leyla, which seemed to be the blonde girl that had invited her.

Dean felt really uncomfortable now and wished to be anywhere else. He stole a glance at Castiel, who had that stupid unreadable expression on him and seemed more to listen than particpate in the ongoing conversation. 

Finally, the teacher appeared and everyone went quiet to listen.

“Thank you all for coming, I know this isn’t how you want to spend your break, so I’ll make this quick. I talked to the principal and from this Thursday on, we will start rehearsing for an additional two hours.”

The students started whispering and Dean had to speak up a bit to ask a question.

“Is it mandatory? ‘Cause I won’t be able to stay, I got football practice.”, he said, worrying he might lose credits for this, but he really couldn’t start not going to football. That was too much.

“I was just getting to that. No, it is not mandatory, and those of you who have good reasons not to come, obviously won’t have to. At least not until shortly before the premiere. I hope though, especially those with essential parts will stay so that we can make this as good as you all deserve. Anyway, that’s it. If you have more questions just ask, otherwise you’re released.”, the teacher explained and immediately had students bomb her with questions that Dean didn’t care about. 

He was actually a bit annoyed, coming to this meeting was useless for him, as it didn’t concern him anyway. All it had done was give Charlie the opportunity to tell Cas, and everyone else, about him making out with Lisa. Which again, he shouldn’t care about, but he did. 

“You look pissed.”, Bess pointed out and caught Dean a bit off guard.

“Yeah of course. This meeting was useless and all it did was shorten my break.”, he said with a very annoyed tone that must have seemed excessive.

“Well it was only five minutes, no need to get worked up over it.”, Garth then said, clearly seeing how upset Dean was. Of course his anger wasn’t mainly about the meeting, but they didn’t know that.

“Whatever, this sucks.”, Dean said and then left them without even saying goodbye. He knew he sometimes had issues controlling his anger, especially when he wasn’t sure where it was coming from, so he’d rather just leave them than say something he might regret. 

  
  


Later that day, standing in the hallway with Crowley, Alastair and Benny, right before their last afternoon class, Dean saw Charlie, Bess and Garth walk together. They didn’t seem to notice him, which was probably good as he worried he had been a bit too bitchy about the drama club meeting. He wasn’t sure if they knew him well enough yet, to not take it personal. Especially as his outburst hadn’t even been about that.

The bell rang and everyone made their way into the classrooms.

“Let’s go.”, Dean said and signaled his friends for them to try and be on time for once.

“Just wait a minute.”, Alastair said and held him back. 

Dean didn’t understand why, but they waited until everyone was gone and it was only the four of them left.

“Okay, Dean, you go to that corner and be lookout, Benny you the other, Crowley come with me.”, Alastair then ordered. Dean was only more confused.

“What for?”, he asked and it seemed as if Benny had no idea what was going on either. Only Crowley seemed to be involved in whatever stupid thing Alastair was planning again.

“I just need to teach someone a lesson, just do it.”, Alastair insisted and Dean sighed, not feeling like arguing with him. He left to go to his ‘lookout post’ and just hoped whatever was going on wouldn’t take too long. His back was turned to Alastair and Crowley who seemed to be in front of a locker now.

“How do you know how to do that?”, Dean heard Crowley ask and he shortly turned around to see what was going on.

Alastair, holding a pocket knife in his hand, was proceeding to open a locker that wasn’t his.

“There’s youtube tutorials for everything.”, Alastair explained and Dean chuckled. Of course Alastair would watch youtube tutorials for cracking open a locker.

Dean turned back to make sure no one was coming, while he heard Alastair succeeding and then heard him going through the things in the locker.

“Spanish essay, due tomorrow. Perfect.”, he heard him say and turned around again, to see what he was about to do.

He saw Alastair with some handwritten papers in one hand and then taking out a water bottle to pour it over them. Dean rolled his eyes, he felt like they were a bit old for stupid pranks like that, but there would be no point arguing with Alastair. It was only now that he took a closer look at the locker they were standing in front of and something immediately caught his eyes. The script to their play. And not just any script, he recognized the doodles on it immediately. His worry only hardened when he saw the Pictures taped to the inside of the locker. Charlie and Cas. Cas and some other dudes. This was Castiel’s locker.

“Wait!”, he tried to stop his friend now but it was too late. Alastair only hurried up on destroying the papers with water, probably thinking Dean cried out because someone was coming.

“What the hell, Dean, I thought someone was coming!”, Alastair then yelled annoyed, when he realized no one was there. He put the soaking papers back and closed the locker. Dean knew there was nothing he could do now, but hope that it hadn’t been anything important to Cas. Though ‘ _ essay due tomorrow _ ’ sounded quite bad.

“Did you really have to do that? Did this guy even do anything to you?”, Dean asked annoyed as they stood next to each other again.   
“He’s always being an annoying smartass in spanish. I don’t get what your problem is.”, Alastair said, confused and visibly annoyed by Dean’s disapprovement.

“You didn’t care before.”, Crowley noted now as well, “What’s changed now?”

Dean had no answer for him. At least none he could say out loud. Crowley’s words only made him feel worse though, ‘cause he realized he probably should have cared before as well. Not just now, when he had found out they were pulling a prank on someone he cared about.

“Let’s just go to class.”, Benny then said. Dean felt like he might have sensed something was off and wanted to rescue Dean from having to explain himself. Luckily, the others agreed and they all made their way to class, knowing the teacher’s won’t be surprised by them being late. Dean felt like he should warn Cas, or do something, but there was nothing he could. Except pray this wouldn’t be traced back to him.

After Class, the others dragged Dean along to Crowley and Benny’s lockers, which as he now knew, were opposite to Cas’. He really feared seeing Cas finding his papers when going there but he had to join them, because Benny was giving him a ride home and Dean really didn’t want to take the bus today. He only wanted to get home and out of here as soon as possible. This monday had been long, exhausting and all he wanted was for it to be over. 

Crowley was busy getting his stuff, when Dean heard Alastair speak.   
“Here he comes.”, he said and Dean followed his gaze. Castiel, walking towards his locker.

Dean turned his back to him, horrified to see Castiel’s reaction to their stupid prank. He was feeling really embarrassed for his friends. All of this seemed so stupid and senseless now.

He felt bad. It wasn’t actually him who did it, and normally he might have laughed but he couldn’t see how Cas had done anything to actually deserve this.

Dean heard a locker creak and then a quiet ‘ _ What a hell _ ’ in that so familiar deep voice. All he could hope for now, was for Alastair not to make a scene and drop them in it. But of course, that was too much to ask for.

“Something wrong, smartass?”, he said, loud enough for Cas to hear and with one of the smuggest grins, Dean had probably ever seen on his friend. Crowley now was holding back laughter as well. It was obvious. It was so obvious, Cas must know it was them. He was smart enough to see it right away, Dean knew that. He also knew he’d literally be anywhere else right now. He closed his eyes just wanting to get out of this incredibly uncomfortable situation he was forced into by his friends. He heard Castiel approach them, but decided to keep his back turned as long as he could.

“Was this you?”, Castiel asked Alastair, clearly angry and now standing only a few meters away, so Dean had to turn around and face him. Luckily, Castiel’s eyes were focused on Alastair. Filled with rage at that, more than Dean had expected. He might not be looking at Dean, but Dean knew that Cas had taken notice of him being here. Dean hated not knowing how this was going to end. 

Still waiting for Alastair’s answer, Cas shortly looked at Dean, who then looked away in embarrassment.

“Maybe, if you hadn’t been such a know-it-all…”, Alastair started explaining but was to everyone’s shock, immediately shut up, by Castiel grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and pushing him against the row of lockers behind them. Crowley and Benny seemed to be too surprised to help and Dean’s first reaction was to make sure there were no teachers around. Luckily, there weren’t.

“If you ever mess with me again, I promise you, it’ll be more than your fragile ego that’ll be hurt.”, Cas threatened Alastair, still pressing him against the wall. Dean had to admit it was kinda scary seeing Cas like that. He hadn’t noticed before how strong the dark haired boy actually was, but being able to hold Alastair like that must take some strength.

Finally, Castiel let Alastair go, before one of the other students reacted. Dean was expecting Alastair to say something witty now and if they hadn’t been inside the school, he was sure Alastair would take a swing at Cas, but he actually seemed quite intimidated, rightfully so. Dean felt like he should say something, but he didn’t know what. He hated that he was part of this prank and even more so now that he knew it somehow really got to Cas. 

Castiel turned to look at Dean, who really wanted to apologize, but he hesitated, thinking about what his friends, who had suddenly gone very quiet, might say. Cas shook his head in disappointment and Dean knew exactly what for. Throughout this whole thing, now and even before when they had performed the prank, he just stood by. Didn’t do anything and while there might be a lot of people not expecting him to, that wasn’t the person he was when he was around Cas and the others. He was a better person around them and he felt ashamed that he couldn’t have been that today. Even if it hadn’t seemed this major at first. Before Dean was able to decide if he should say something, Castiel went back to his locker, got some stuff, angrily kicked the door shut and left. Still in surprise, Dean and his friends stood quiet for a few more moments. Out of all their pranks no one had ever reacted like that. Not that their pranks were a regular thing, but Dean had never seen Alastair this shaken up. And being completely honest, Dean was kinda proud of Cas for it. He liked seeing Alastair not being the one feeling superior for once. He just really hoped this hadn’t made Alastair even more angry. More so, he hoped Cas would still want to be friends with him. He really hated the thought of losing his new friend over something stupid like this. This day just kept proving to be one of the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this feels a bit packed or rushed, I kinda messed up the timeline in my notes and noticed too late so I had to push a lot of stuff into one day. Hope you still enjoyed it :D


	4. Apology

Between Monday after school, after that horrible prank blew up to be exact, and the next morning, Dean must have texted Cas at least five times to apologize for what Alastair did and his part in it. But he hadn’t gotten a single reply. He said sorry, said he would have stopped them if he knew it was his, he should have said something, asked if there was something he could do to help, but despite the ‘online’ status, Castiel never answered.

Fearing Castiel was seriously, probably rightfully, angry at him, Dean felt like he had to show more of an effort to apologize.

He arrived at school a bit earlier that day and instead of joining his friends for a smoke he decided to go to the nearby coffee shop. Remembering something Cas mentioned last week when they were in that costume shop.

Two medium sized coffees in his hands, Dean walked back to the school. He had to wait in line for a bit and felt like he had gotten some weird looks from other students in the shop for ordering two coffees, but no one had said anything. Sometimes he wondered if he just imagined people always noticing and questioning everything he did. He went back to the school and saw his plan, of smoothly leaning against the neighbouring locker and waiting for Cas, to be ruined, as the dark haired boy was already there. 

Quickly, but still careful not to spill the coffees, he walked over to Castiel’s locker. With a smile on his face Dean went to Castiel’s left side and offered him one of the coffees in his hand as a gesture of apology.

“Vanilla Mocha, your favourite, right?”, he said hopeful that Castiel would accept his attempt at apologizing.

Castiel turned to look at him expressionless. Dean couldn’t read his face, he wasn’t smiling, didn’t look annoyed, didn’t look angry. Just blank. It made Dean feel his pulse rise in anxiety.

“Thanks.”, Castiel said with the most cold and neutral tone of voice Dean probably had ever heard.

He wanted to say something to apologize, voice the words he had already texted, but Cas didn’t give him the chance. He took the coffee out of Dean’s hands, grabbed his stuff and left Dean standing without another word.

So apparently Cas was mad at him and a gesture like this wouldn’t be enough. Dean felt a bit sad about it, he knew Castiel was right to be angry with him, but he didn’t really know what to do. He wasn’t used to this, when people were mad at him he usually just didn’t care. Or bought them a drink and it was fine. He had never been in a situation like this before. But somehow everything in him told him to make this right and get Castiel to forgive him.

Knowing there was nothing he could do about it right now though, he turned around to go to class, he was still deep in thought though and didn’t notice the person he bumped into, spilling his own coffee all over them. 

“Fuck! Sorry.”, he said feeling himself ripped back to reality.

He looked at the girl in front of him, whose shirt he completely soaked in black coffee, that luckily wasn’t too hot anymore. And because this wasn’t awkward already, he found the person to be Lisa, the cheerleader he recently hooked up with.

“It’s okay.”, she said nicely, even though it obviously wasn’t okay. She got some tissues out her bag and tried cleaning the shirt but there was no saving it. Dean felt responsible, so he took off his winter jacket and then the flannel he was wearing over his T-shirt.

He handed her his flannel shirt. “Here, take this.”, he said trying to force a smile. He really wasn’t in the mood to be nice to anyone right now, he just wanted to get to class and use the time to come up with more ways to get Cas to talk to him again.

“Oh, thank you.”, Lisa answered and Dean saw her blush. She seemed to expect him to start a conversation but he just gave her a friendly nod before leaving for class.

He didn’t even have a coffee left now to get him through the day. Great.

  
  


The next day Dean decided to have another attempt at apologizing to Cas by getting him his favourite coffee. Only this time he was determined not to let him leave as easily. He also planned to go there a bit earlier, so he could actually wait for Cas this time.

It worked, and Dean arrived at Cas’ locker about a minute before Cas did . When Castiel spotted him, he visibly rolled his eyes. Dean made sure he couldn’t ignore him this time by blocking his locker. Cas stood in front of him, not saying anything, only eyebrows raised. 

That’s when Dean stretched his hand to offer him the coffee, but when Cas tried to take it, Dean quickly moved his hand away again.

“No. Only if you actually stay and talk to me.”, Dean said, hoping he could convince him to hear him out. Cas sighed in annoyance.

“I really can’t right now, Dean.”, he said and signaled him to move so he could get to his locker.

He might have finally spoken to him, but Dean was not gonna give up so easily. He refused to move and made it clear he wouldn’t before Cas heard him out.

Cas shook his head, “I mean it, I really don’t have the time right now. But maybe..”, he seemed to consider something, “later during lunch break.”. he then suggested.

Dean hesitated for a minute. He really, really wanted to properly apologize but getting away without a good excuse from his friends wasn’t that easy. He couldn’t really tell them the truth, they wouldn’t understand.

Castiel must have seen that Dean was hesitating and jumped to a conclusion that fairly enough, was true.

“Of course, you can’t. Your friends.”, he said and took the chance of Dean being occupied by his thoughts to shove him aside from the locker and quickly get his stuff. He tried to leave once he had what he wanted, but Dean grabbed his arm to hold him back.

“I’ll wait here for you.”, he clarified, knowing that finding some excuse for his friends would be worth it.

Cas only shrugged, “Whatever.” and once again left Dean standing.

  
  


It took Dean a minute to get away from his friends. His excuse, that he felt like he was starting to get a cold and therefore didn’t feel like going outside with them, was actually pretty weak but they didn’t seem to care. When Dean went to the part of the school where Cas’ locker was at, again feeling bad for how he found that out, he already saw Cas there. He wasn’t waiting for him, only getting his stuff and then already trying to leave again so Dean put his long legs to use and walked there fast to stop him. 

“Cas wait!”, he had to call out before he caught up with him. “I’m here.”

Castiel stopped and the two of them went into an empty classroom. Being completely honest, Dean was a bit anxious about someone coming in, but it was probably better than talking out in the open. Cas sat on a table, to still be at height with Dean, who leaned against the table in front of him.

“So, you wanted to talk.” Cas said, not really making this easier for Dean.

“Yeah, I just really want to say sorry. I know you read my messages and I already explained, I didn’t know it was you Alastair had a problem with. I also only looked out that no one was coming, I didn’t really help him. I do feel really bad about it though. If I had known it was your stuff I would have stopped them.”, he tried to explain but somehow he wasn’t sure if he used the right words.

“Really? Would you have?”, Castiel said provokingly. And he was right to ask so, because to be honest Dean wasn’t sure himself if he would have done. As much as he wished it wasn’t like that, Dean really cared about what his friends thought of him. Way more than he should. 

“Look, I am truly sorry. I’m sure Alastair won’t try anything again but if he would I promise, I’d stop him. But he won’t, not after the way you reacted. To be honest you shocked us all a bit with that.”, Dean remembered Castiel showing his apparently very strong side, that while unexpected at first was pretty impressive.  ~~And hot~~.

“You’re not the first one to underestimate me.”, he said in a tone that Dean felt was still distanced.

“Cas, I really want to make this right. I don’t like you being angry with me, or disappointed, or whatever. I know I should do better.”

“I’m not angry.”; Cas said with a soft sigh, but avoiding eye contact. “I don’t expect anything from you actually.”

Those words hurt Dean, he really felt like he had shown to be a better person in front of him and the others. But it was fair, after all they didn’t know him  _ that _ long and especially Cas now had nothing to go off of that Dean wasn’t exactly like his friends. He knew if it hadn’t been Cas the prank had targeted he probably wouldn’t have cared at all, so all this was justified. It did make him realize though that maybe he should care, no matter who it was.

“So are we done with this, then?”, Castiel asked and pulled Dean out of his thought process. He seemed just as closed off as he had before they talked.

“Well, I don’t feel like we actually resolved this…”, Dean stated and before he could say more, Cas got up from sitting on the table and made signs to wanting to leave.

“Dean, it’s fine, okay. I won’t make any problems for you with the others or in the drama club. Can we leave it now?”, he said a bit impatiently and Dean felt like somehow this all didn’t go at all like he had hoped. He tried not to lose his patience because snapping at Cas wouldn’t make any of this better.

“It depends, are you gonna keep on being this cold to me? I am really sorry, I don’t know what else to do.”, Dean asked, a bit confused at Cas’ refusal of his apology.

“We’re fine!”, Castiel said very unconvincingly, it was obvious they still weren’t. “Now, I have an essay to rewrite by Friday, I guess I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.”

He left without giving Dean the chance to say anything further or even say goodbye himself. Despite Cas saying it was okay, Dean didn’t believe him. Actually, he liked this even less, because if Castiel forgave him but still was closed off that would be way harder to fix.

Normally, he would let it rest at this, with anyone else he would, but he just couldn’t bear the thought of Cas barely talking to him and their interactions being unsubstantial. He couldn’t explain why, but everything in him told him to get this right and get Cas to trust him. He really didn’t want to lose this boy’s friendship now that he had just gotten it.

  
  


Dean knew his probably best chance to talk to Cas again was the next day at drama rehearsal. This time he had actually taken the time to think about what he wanted to say and while he didn’t come up with much he felt like there was something else that made Castiel be like this. Something he didn’t know, so he decided to confront him with that. 

But when he finally saw that Cas had a free minute during the rehearsal, Hannah already moved in before Dean could. Cas must have noticed Dean approaching him, as they locked eyes for a moment. Even though Hannah was obviously trying to talk to him, Cas’ eyes stayed fixated on Dean. And there it was again, that stupid feeling in Dean’s chest that he couldn’t explain and only got when he was around Castiel.

Cas broke their staring contest first and turned to Hannah, Dean couldn’t hear what they were talking about but they then went behind the stage and took Dean’s chance to talk to Cas again with them. He probably should have stopped them but when Cas looked at him like that his brain felt useless.

Dean accepted that he’d have to stay patient and just hope to get a chance to talk to him later. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. He didn’t see Cas again until when he had to be on stage again to rehearse scenes with Hannah. And that scene went on until the regular session was over. Dean noticed because a few students packed their stuff to leave, but most of them stayed to keep rehearsing as the teacher had asked them to. Dean had to leave to get to football practice of course, so he said goodbye to David and made his way to the door. He took another look at the stage, wishing Cas would turn to see him leave so he could at least give him a smile or something, to show he was still trying to make up for what happened. But he didn’t, he was deep in character and focused on his scene. Dean turned away and left with an uneasy feeling. He genuinely thought he’d walk out of today’s meeting having made up with Cas and everything back to normal. At least the others hadn’t treated him any different. Charlie had made a side comment about Dean being an idiot but overall they had been as normal as ever towards Dean. Though that did feel like it was mostly because Cas asked them to. At least he could let out his frustration with himself during football now.

  
  


Instead of taking his mind off it though, Dean just thought about Cas even more. He tried not to, but it drove him crazy. He just couldn’t stop worrying about having ruined everything. So he decided he had to take care of this as soon as possible before he lost his mind. 

Never before had he been this fast in leaving the changing rooms after practice, but it proved to be fast enough when he arrived back at the School’s main entrance, seeing that the drama club students weren’t waiting for the busses yet. So Castiel and the rest were probably still in there. Dean didn’t have to wait for too long though and he saw the first few students leave. Shortly after, Bess, Castiel, Charlie and Garth were walking out together, laughing about something. Dean immediately approached them. 

“Oof, you reek of sweat.”; Charlie had no issue pointing that out immediately. But Dean ignored her and turned to Cas.

“Cas, please, I really think we should talk.”, he said and saw the others exchanging looks.

“I.. I need to get to the bus.”, Cas used as a lame excuse.

“Then I’ll walk there with you.”, Dean insisted and Cas finally nodded in agreement. 

The other three left them to walk in front of them, so they could talk in peace. Somehow Dean got a bit of a different vibe from Cas today, so he was hopeful. He seemed more…. calm.

“Cas, you know how sorry I am, I’ve told you that, I’ve messaged you every day since and I promised to do better. And yet you’re still giving me the cold shoulder. I get that I messed up, but I feel like there must be something else, because I just don’t understand why we can’t be friends again. You don’t seem like someone to hold a grudge.”, Dean rambled on a bit, he got more and more nervous. But it seemed to work because it felt like Castiel was preparing to say something.

“If there’s anything else I did, please just tell me or I don’t know if I said something wrong or-”, Dean felt himself lose structure to what he was saying, but luckily Cas finally interrupted him.

“You’re right.”, he said and they both stopped walking, now being close enough to see if the bus was coming, but far enough away from the others to not be overheard.

“There is a reason why I got so mad. And it’s nothing you did, it’s just…”, Cas seemed to struggle with telling this and Dean didn’t want to push him, so he kept quiet and gave him time. Though he was really intrigued now.

“I’m trying to get a scholarship that’s linked to languages. I really, really need it because if I don’t get one, I won’t be able to afford to go to university. I…”, he really struggled with the part that was about to come and Dean wished he could do something to make him feel more at ease.

“I live in a group home for teenagers without parents. Until I finish High School, I am taken care of, but everything after I got no one to depend on but myself. So when my spanish essay got destroyed, I was scared I’d get a bad grade and ruin my overall score. Luckily, the teacher gave me an extended deadline, after I came up with a good excuse. While I know one grade seems stupid to be worried about, to me, everything has to count or I might ruin my own future.”

Castiel seemed to be nervous about Dean’s reaction, it probably wasn’t easy to tell people you’re basically poor and have no parents. But weirdly, it only made Dean adore him even more. 

“Cas, I’m sorry…”, he tried to offer his comfort but that wasn’t really his strength. 

“I’m not telling you, to get your pity. I just… I’ve been so stressed out these past few days, having to rewrite the essay that I put a lot of effort into and I let that out on you. Not that what you did wasn’t wrong, because it was and I was really angry. But you apologized and recognized your mistake and that’s important. Who knows, maybe my rewritten version is even better than the first one.”, Cas tried to take a bit of the tension out of the conversation.

Dean had to smile and looked down to try and hide it. Hearing Cas say all this made him feel a bit flattered. Castiel didn’t seem like someone who opened up easily, then again neither was Dean, so Dean hoped that maybe they could find comfort in each other.

He realized he hadn’t really said anything yet, which might make Cas feel like he shouldn’t have said anything. So Dean reached out with his arm and placed it on Cas’ shoulder to make him look at him.

“I’m really sorry Cas, about being part of what made you this stressed out. I think it’s great that you’re working so hard on achieving what you want. I admire that.”, Dean wanted to continue but he realized how close the two of them were standing, now that his hand was resting on Castiel’s shoulder.

And there they went again, eyes locked, just staring at each other. The now almost familiar pain in Dean’s chest appeared and he really, really wanted to be the first one to look away but he couldn’t. He froze and felt like there was something he should say but no, all his head did was tell him to get closer to those blue eyes. Luckily, he also was too mesmerized to even do that, before he embarrassed himself.

And it was actually Cas who broke away in the end, when he heard his bus arriving.

“I need to get on the bus.”, Cas said and Dean was shaken out of his trance as well. It took him a bit though, before he could say something so Cas was already turned away.

“But we’re good now, yeah?”, Dean called after him and Cas quickly turned back to him again.

“Yeah, we are.”, he said with that super soft smile that in this occasion Dean really didn’t mind. Finally, everything was alright between them.

  
  


Castiel got on the bus and then let himself sink into the seat next to Charlie. When he kept pushing Dean away he really hoped he’d give up before Cas caved in. But god he did not expect Dean to care that much and it made everything just worse. He buried his face in his hands and wished he wasn’t on a bus full of people and could just scream right now.

“Oooh, you got it real bad.”, Charlie pointed out, obviously seeing his distress.

Cas looked up to face her and nodded.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”


	5. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is timed about 3 or 4 weeks after the last, so I could move it closer to Christmas and give a little holiday vibe for this week.

It was only a few weeks to Christmas break now and Castiel was having the time of his life. Since he had told Dean about his home situation and forgave him for being part of his friend’s stupid prank, they kinda had grown to be even closer. It seemed like Dean really enjoyed the drama club meetings, made some more friends there as well. He hung out with Castiel and the rest a lot after school as well now and everything seemed to be going great. Cas did more or less successfully, ignore the feelings he felt grow and grow. If he didn’t know better, he would be sure Dean was flirting with him. They were texting nonstop and there had been multiple incidents of them accidentally hitting each other with their arms or heads because they were standing so close together when next to each other. Cas wasn’t sure if Dean even noticed these little moments but Cas sure did. He learned how to deal with it though. 

It was Friday evening now and Cas and Charlie were in Charlie’s room, making their way through their list of classic christmas movies. Only that Cas was more occupied by his phone, texting with Dean.

“Who do you keep texting?”, Charlie asked, probably a bit irritated that he wasn’t really paying attention to the movie.

“Dean.”, he quickly answered, before having to smile again at another one of Dean’s messages.

“Isn’t he at that party?”

“Yeah, he’s drunk texting, that’s why it’s so funny.”, Cas explained and then showed her some of the messages that had a lot of typos and were supposedly rants about how bad nowadays pop music had gotten. But Charlie didn’t laugh, she seemed worried.

“Cas, I know you and Dean have gotten closer, all the cute banter and texting you, when he’s supposed to party with his friends and all that, but are you sure you’re being careful?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”, Cas said knowing Charlie was about to voice the exact thoughts he kept shoving down.

“Come on, you obviously got feelings for him, don’t suddenly pretend you don’t.”, Charlie insisted and Cas knew there was no point denying it. After all he kinda already told her anyway. 

“I got in under control. Don’t worry.”, Cas tried convincing her.

“Do you, though?”, Charlie paused the movie and then turned to Cas with a very worried look. She must have thought about this conversation before. “Listen, I get it, Cas. The way he is with you is confusing and I do get a vibe as well, it’s just…” she took a breath, “Even if he likes you, as more than a friend, I just don’t want to see you hurt. And from what I’ve heard, he’s a heartbreaker. I’m sorry, I like him a lot as well, but that boy seems messed up in that regard and I’m not saying you should keep away or anything, just be careful, okay? I’m only worried about you, because I know how bad this could hurt you.”

Castiel was quiet for a second, he wanted to pretend she was wrong at, but he couldn’t because he knew she was right. For now, Dean gave him this new energy, motivation to enjoy himself, which was something he desperately clung onto because everything else was stressing him out. But he could easily end up too invested in their friendship and projecting things into it that weren’t true. 

“Look, I really hope I’m proven to be wrong on this. Maybe he’s the one to finally make you happy and give you everything you want in life. I really do want all that for you, but I’m just not sure Dean Winchester can be that guy. So, keep doing what you’re doing, I can try and help you be more aware and make sense of his behaviour but just, be careful. I’d really hate to see you hurt.”

Cas didn’t answer, he just nodded. He knew these things; he just didn’t want to hear them. But that just showed that he probably already wasn’t guarding himself enough. Charlie pulled him in a hug, reassuring him that however this is gonna go, she would always be there for him.

  
  


It was Monday morning and Dean was already in a bad mood. He had an exam to take later, he had gotten into an argument with his dad over breakfast about their Christmas plans, and he wouldn’t even get to see Castiel today because he just texted him he’d be home sick. And while he wasn’t really admitting it to himself, knowing he’d see Cas when going to school, was kinda the only thing that got him motivated to go. 

Dean was leaning on a locker next to Alastair’s, who was getting his stuff and telling some story about a girl he had just met, that Dean wasn’t really interested in hearing. He checked his phone to see if Cas had texted again, but he was probably sleeping. Or maybe he just didn’t know what to reply to “Get well soon”?. Dean kept staring at his phone, thinking of something to keep the conversation going and kept typing things as drafts and deleting it again. It must have looked like he was constantly texting, as Benny noticed it.   
“Who you texting so frequently?”, he asked and tried to take a look at Dean’s phone, which he immediately locked and put away.

“No one.”, Dean said and hoped to put it to rest.

“Uuuh is it Lisa?”, Crowley then asked, teasing him about this, again.

“No it’s not, shut up.”, Dean insisted and hoped they’d drop the subject.

“Of course it’s her.”, Alastair then went on, and gave Dean a teasing shoulder bump.

Dean rolled his eyes, their teasing had gotten really boring at this point. But maybe it wasn’t so bad if they thought he was texting her.

“I doubt it’s her.”, Benny then said, and Dean’s heart must have skipped a beat at fear Benny had managed to read the name. Though then he immediately calmed down, it’s not like there was something to hide. He and Cas were just texting. There was nothing more to it.

Crowley and Alastair looked at Benny confused at why he thought that, so he signaled down the hall. They all turned to look and saw Lisa approaching them, no phone in hand, so obviously not texting. Dean then noticed what she had in her hand instead. His flannel, that he gave her when he accidentally spilled his coffee over her shirt. He had completely forgotten about that actually.

“Hey, Dean. I just wanted to return this.”, she said and handed him the shirt.

“Thanks.”, he said and took it. He didn’t have to look at his friends to see their smug faces. Either that or they were checking out Lisa’s friends who were standing behind her. Again, Lisa seemed to wait for him to say something more but Dean, in the bad mood he was in, really didn’t care.

“See you, then.”, he said and nodded her goodbye before leaving, not caring if his friends would follow either. He just wanted to go to class, get the day over with and hope for tomorrow to be a better day. 

  
  


Unfortunately, the next day started with another text from Cas, telling Dean he still wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school and that he’d rather spend another day at home than risk being sick for drama rehearsal. At least he didn’t have to see his friends for too much today either.They kept pressing him about Lisa and it was really annoying him.

During their first break he ran into Charlie, who bumped into him and seemed in a rush.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you.”, she apologized and organized the books she almost dropped.

“It’s fine. Everything okay?”, Dean asked and Charlie let out a big sigh.

“Just a really stressful day. I have two essays I need to hand in today, a presentation to prepare for tomorrow, drama lines I need to know by thursday and to add onto it, I need to take care of Castiel’s stuff and make sure he gets his homework and the books he left here.”, she explained, almost taking no pause to breathe during her little rant. She then stops and looks at Dean, obviously going through some sort of thought process.

“You wouldn’t wanna do me a massive favour, would you?”, she asked and put on a pleading look, before continuing.

“Could you bring Cas his stuff over if you’re free after school? I know he told you about his living situation so I’m sure it’d be fine for him and it would really help me a lot if I didn’t have to worry about that. I wouldn’t ask but I seriously don’t know how I’m supposed to get everything else done by tomorrow.”

Getting to see Cas today with an actual good reason to? Dean knew inside, this didn’t even need to be a question.

“Well, if it helps you, sure. Why not.”, he said casually, as if he wasn’t super excited to see Cas right now. After all, he shouldn’t be excited. Why was he excited? It was just bringing someone some books. And seeing his room for the first time. Getting answers about the questions he had ever since Cas told him he lived in a group home. Getting to see Castiel when he wouldn’t be feeling so great. Helping him with his quest to get a scholarship by bringing him his schoolwork. Knowing he’d be grateful for it. But no it was no big deal, Dean was totally calm about it.

“Okay thanks.”, Charlie then said, handing him the books and some papers in her hands, “If there’s more from today, I’ll find you later after school. I need to go now, I’ll text Cas to give you his address and tell him why I can’t come. See ya.”

And then she rushed off, the same way she had rushed and bumped into him before. Dean put away the books in his backpack and had to smile, thinking again about how he’d get to give them to Cas later. And all of a sudden he had something to look forward to today.

  
  


Dean walked up to the address Cas had texted him before. He knew that Castiel was aware he was coming over, still he got nervous. When he thought he found the house he saw a guy standing outside, smoking. Dean shivered looking at him, because he was wearing shorts in combination with a winter jacket, even though they had had first snow last night and it was freezing. The house had a few christmas lights decorating the windows, not much, but still more than their dad ever let them put up.

Dean approached the guy and he seemed to be expecting him.

“You’re Dean?”, he asked and visibly inspected his appearance.

“Yes, I’m here to bring Cas his homework.” Dean explained, though he felt like this guy already knew that. The situation felt a bit awkward, cause this guy was just weirdly looking at him. Making Dean wonder if there was something wrong with how he looked. Because he wasn’t feeling nervous already, this just made it worse.

“Front door is open. Castiel is in his room upstairs, second on the right.”, he said and nodded to the entrance.

“Thanks.”, Dean said awkwardly and then made his escape to the house. The door was only ajar and Dean went in. Luckily, the stairs were right in front of him, so he wouldn’t have to look for them. He heard voices from somewhere downstairs and he was wondering if he should take off his shoes, but because there weren’t any standing around he decided to keep them on as he made his way upstairs. He passed the kitchen door and saw where the voices came from, two boys, probably around Sam’s age, sitting at the table eating. He wondered if he should have said ‘Hello’ or introduced himself, but it kinda felt weird, not knowing who they were in relation to Cas.

Finally, he stood in front of the door that had “Castiel” spelt on it and softly knocked on it. 

“Come in.”, he heard in Cas’ voice that it was tainted by his cold.   
Dean opened the door and stepped in the room. Castiel was sitting in his bed, wrapped in a blanket, hair a bit ruffled and wearing a sweater that seemed way too big for him. He did seem healthier than Dean had expected though. 

“I brought you these.”, Dean said and took out Castiel’s books and homework from his backpack, placing them on the desk next to him.

“Thanks.”, Cas said and smiled at Dean, while lifting himself up to sit more upright, almost dropping the laptop on his lap.

Dean nodded and looked around the room a bit. It was small, but Cas seemed to have done the best with it. There were some drawings on the wall and pictures. He even recognized the picture they had all taken together that day at the costume shop. There was a bit of an awkward silence while Dean kept looking around. He had somehow expected Cas’ room to be a bit brighter, but maybe it just seemed like this because there was barely any sun outside.

“Do you wanna stay for a bit?”, Cas then asked and Dean put his attention back to the boy who seemed to have struggled with asking that. Dean wasn’t sure why.   
“I don’t wanna be a bother.”, he said, scared Castiel had only asked to break the silence and didn’t actually feel like hanging out right now.

“No, please, I’ve been stuck in here for two days now. I’d really appreciate the company.”, he said and smiled, making Dean suddenly feel very comfortable and warm inside. 

“I mean, can’t do much more than watching random movies on Netflix anyway.”, Cas then said, probably still waiting for Dean to answer.

Dean already knew he wanted to, so he just shut that voice in his head saying ‘What would your friends or your dad say about you sitting in a boy’s bed watching movies down and nodded.

“Sounds like my kind of afternoon.”, he then accepted Cas’ offer, took off his shoes and hung his jacket over the armrest of Castiel’s desk chair.

“Scoot over.”, he said, signaling Cas to make space next to him on the bed.

Dean felt his heart beating faster as he was sitting down. It was only a single size bed, so his and Cas’ shoulders had to be brushed against each other in order for both of them to be able to sit in it. Cas then grabbed one of the two blankets he had on top of him, of course he was someone sleeping with two blankets. He handed it to him and Dean tried to make it as comfortable as possible for himself but he knew his heart was beating very loudly. He did his best to control that, all he wanted was a chill afternoon with his friend. His friend who got his heart to beat like he was being chased by an axe murder. He did notice Castiel breathing a bit more heavily as well, though that might just come from his cold.

“A Christmas Movie? Seriously?”, Dean mocked Cas when he saw the movie he had already opened on his Laptop.

“It’s close enough to Christmas, okay?! Also, I’m sick, I get a free pass.”, he said smugly and Dean had to laugh. God he loved it when Cas made him laugh.

“Anyway, before we start.”, Dean remembered something he wanted to ask, “Who was that guy I met outside? The one obviously being immune to the cold, just standing there in shorts.”

Cas laughed. “Must have been Michael. I’m actually pretty sure he’s freezing but he thinks it makes him look more intimidating, just ignore him.”

“So is he like… your carer? I don’t know how this”, he signaled around with his hands, to show that he meant Cas’ living situation, “all works. He seems older than a high schooler.”

Dean was worried he was asking too much and would make Cas uncomfortable so he immediately wanted to reassure him. “You don’t have to explain though, if you don’t want to.”

“No, no. It’s okay, I want to.”, he gave Dean that damned soft smile that made everything in him twist, that and the racing heartbeat he still got from his shoulder touching Cas’ really made him be on edge right now.

“Michael grew up here just like I did. After High School he got a job and he was allowed to stay here if he pays rent. He’s like the one taking care of everything, when Sebastian can’t. He’s our official carer, he comes here a lot but he can’t be here 24/7. He’s got a lovely little family and we all get along with him really well. He was very supportive when I first came here and so was Michael. Those two and Gabriel, one of the other kids here, I guess they’re the ones I’m closest to in here. Kids come and go all the time, but with these three I found stability. They were there for me when I went through a rough time and yeah I guess they’re the closest thing to family I have. It isn’t ideal but it works.”

It was now that Dean remembered seeing this Michael guy before, in one of the pictures in Cas’ locker. Dean wasn’t really sure if he should reply to Castiel or if it was better not too. Still, he kinda opened up to him and Dean felt this urge to do the same, even though it was never easy to.

“Well me… I can’t really rely on my dad, like, at all. It’s just, impossible to make him happy. Ever since my Mom… died, he just built this wall around him and I’m the one having to take care of everything at home. My brother, Sam, doesn’t even remember Mom and that Dad didn’t always use to be like this. To be fair, it’s easy to forget for me as well sometimes. I mean, it’s not completely horrible, just… exhausting.”

Cas nodded in support and somehow Dean felt way more relaxed now that he talked about this. It was silent now, both of them having shared something personal, knowing it was just about telling someone, more than wanting a response to it. And Dean hoped Cas found comfort in that as much as he did. But it was enough talking about his feelings for like a whole month, so Dean decided to pick up the mood again and move away from the subject of their complicated home lives.

“So, about that Christmas movie…”

  
  


They were halfway through a second Christmas movie, and Dean had to admit, they weren’t as bad as he had expected. It’s not like there weren’t Christmas movies he liked but those about family and stuff just always got him depressed so he stayed away from that. He felt like Cas did too though, because he only chose fun ones. Overall, Dean had really enjoyed these past few hours with Castiel. They had laughed, talked and made fun of each other. And just the feeling of letting someone be so close to him, that Dean felt the warmth of his body, in just a casual way, it made Dean feel more comfortable in his own skin than he had probably felt in like… forever. 

Dean’s thoughts got interrupted by his phone ringing. He took it out of his pocket and saw that it was Sam calling. Cas paused the movie so he could answer.

“Sammy, what’s up?”, Dean answered the phone.

“Dad wants you to come home. He says you’re not picking up.”, Dean had to hide a grin, remembering he actually muted all incoming calls from his dad’s number. He checked the time, it was only 7.30pm.

“He wants to talk to us about Christmas.”, Sam explained further and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Can’t we do that another time?”, Dean asked, not really wanting to leave in the middle of the movie. Or well actually not really wanting to leave at all right now.

“He says he wants to do it right now, I’m sorry if you’re busy, I just don’t wanna fight with him about it.”, Sam said and Dean sighed.

“No, it’s fine, I’ll be on my way soon, tell him I’ll be home in half an hour.”, Dean gave in, knowing getting into a fight with his dad, again, wasn’t really something he wanted to risk.

He hung up and turned to Cas, who probably heard most of the conversation anyway.

“I’m sorry, I have to go now.”, he said with a sad smile and got up from the bed and suddenly felt how cold the room actually was and how the blanket and Cas had shielded him from that.

“You can finish the movie without me, if you want.”, he offered as he was putting on his jacket.

“Thanks, though I actually should start on that homework you brought me.”, Castiel said, closed the laptop and put it away. “I’m planning to come back to school tomorrow, so I should probably take care of that first.”

Dean smiled, he probably kept Castiel from his school work, but he didn’t feel bad about it. Actually, given how much Dean enjoyed this afternoon, Castiel must have as well and he wasn’t gonna apologize for that.

He put on his boots and turned to Cas again to say goodbye.

“See you tomorrow then.”, he smiled at the dark haired boy again, just, taking in the warm feeling this day had given him.

“See you.”

  
  


Castiel had been right and he was back at school the next day, Dean and he only crossed each other in the hallway once, but that was okay. Dean knew he’d get to see all of them again at drama rehearsal tomorrow.

Dean and his friends were outside when a group of girls, including Lisa, passed them. She smiled at Dean and he gave her a greeting nod. When they had passed them, Alastair bumped Dean’s shoulder with his fist.

“A nod? Seriously? That’s it?”, he asked in disbelief and Dean was confused and actually a bit pissed because that bump hurt a bit more than it should have.

“What?”

“She’s obviously just waiting for you to ask her out.”, Crowley then chimed in, “It’s obvious, like recently, when she returned your flannel. Are you really too stupid to see that?”

Dean’s eyes kept moving between them while he was trying to find an answer. He could be dense sometimes but he did figure that. It’s not like he didn’t think she was attractive or nice either, she really was. Dean just didn’t really care that much. At least not as much as his friends seemed to.

“So I need to ask her out, just because she wants me to?”, he asked, a bit annoyed at how much his friends were pushing for this.

“I don’t see why not. She’s hot, nice, you already hooked up so you obviously think so too. I don’t see the problem.”, Alastair stated.

“Unless there’s someone else you like.”, Crowley then added and Dean felt like he was put on the spot. He looked to Benny for help, but he seemed unbothered.

No, of course there was no one else. Dean just… no. There was no other girl and he was done arguing with his friends about this.

They were still expecting an answer, so Dean took out his phone, went to Lisa’s contact and sent her a text, asking if she wanted to go grab a coffee Friday after school. 

He turned back to his friends, who seemed very confused, and showed them the chat.

“Happy now?”, he asked provokingly and put his phone away again. 

He just wanted them to leave him alone. 

  
  


The next day at drama practice, Dean was finally in a good mood again. This week had been a constant rollercoaster of good and bad emotions for him. But he had a nice morning, enjoying the new masses of snow that came down last night with Sam, this morning before school, then he and Benny did really well in a presentation for english class they had to do and now the best part of his week, drama rehearsal. He was excited to see everyone, especially as the christmas break was coming closer and he knew he wouldn’t see them then. He would never have thought it, but when he was at drama club he just knew no one cared about anything, he could just be as much himself as he would let him be and no one would judge him for it. When he wanted to talk about football he would talk to David, if he wanted to talk about video games he’d talk to Garth ,if he wanted to gossip he’d go talk to Bess, talking to Charlie about movies and Cas, well with Cas he could talk about everything. He really grew to care about all of them and also the play as a whole. He wouldn’t admit it but he was really proud of what they were putting together.

When he arrived, Cas was waiting for him at the little platform in the back, where Dean and David would be with all the technical controls. He was holding a sandwich in his hand, offering it to Dean. He did that more often now, not every week but often enough for Dean to really appreciate it and the fact that he remembered.

“So, you feeling better?”, Dean asked in between the big bites he took of his favourite sandwich. He was just really hungry right now.

“Yeah, a lot. My cold is basically gone.”

Dean nodded and kept eating, which must have looked a bit messy because Cas seemed amused.

“Stop laughing.”, Dean said, trying to play offended but he wasn’t really.

“Fine.”, Cas laughed. “Let’s go meet the others.”, he then said and Dean agreed, almost having finished his sandwich already.

But just as they had reached the group of Charlie, Garth and Bess, the school’s fire alarm went off and Dean immediately felt uneasy. He tried to stay calm, but the thought of fires just set him off.

“Don’t worry, it’s probably just a false alarm!”, their teacher immediately announced, “We will have to leave just as fast though. Please gather outside at the big tree next to the theatre’s front entrance so I can make sure everyone’s there. Let’s go, now, please!”

No one really had time to go get their jackets, only Garth who somehow went to only get his funny hat. And only that.

When they were outside Dean felt like he had to mention it, mostly to occupy his fear of an actual fire having gone off in the school.   
“Good to know you still choose looking stupid over being warm.”, he teased, when actually he started to appreciate Garth wearing that hat. It showed he just didn’t care what others thought and that is something Dean really admired. 

Charlie and Cas chuckled at Dean’s joke and Bess visibly tried to hold herself back from doing so as well.

Garth didn’t react at first, but then he quickly bent down, grabbed some snow, formed it into a snowball and threw it at Dean before he could avoid it. 

“Good to know you’re not as fast as you look.”, he said and immediately went to hide behind a tree. Dean couldn’t let this stand of course, so he grabbed himself some snow and went after Garth.

It didn’t take long before a full on snowball fight broke out between the five of them and even some other drama students joined in. It made it harder for the teacher to count and make sure all of them were there, but luckily she didn’t stop them. 

It was really cold though, especially because most of them didn’t have their jackets with them. Dean didn’t really care about freezing though, he never had a snowball fight like this and it was just fun. Letting loose, doing something that would maybe be perceived as childish, but not being alone. Not  _ feeling _ alone. It felt like a movie scene from one of those Christmas movies he had watched with Castiel when he was sick. That reminded him, Castiel had only just recovered from a cold. Dean turned to check and see if maybe he was freezing too much, not that he could really do anything about it. But Castiel seemed fine and enjoyed himself as well. Looking out for Cas though left Dean vulnerable to one of Charlie's snowballs, which hit him right in the chest and probably made sure he’d end up with a wet sweater. Before he could get revenge though, the teacher announced that it had only been a false fire alarm, set off by some Chemistry experiment and they were allowed to go back inside. Dean felt relieved and realized that he didn't even think about the possible fire. Luckily, he knew Sam was on a school trip today and hadn't had to worry about him as well. He had been able to just have fun with his friends and forget about it and he really appreciated that.

  
  


For the last week before Christmas Break, Dean and the drama club gang had decided to go to a Christmas fair together. Apparently it was something they did every year and Dean felt very flattered to be invited to come along this year. Castiel had chosen where to go this year. It was a small one, that wasn’t too crowded and really had a bit of a small village vibe. It was very nicely decorated, Dean had to admit, and he was actually a bit fascinated. He had never really been to a Christmas fair, let alone done anything that people would consider normal for Christmas time. At least not since his Mom had died. 

Castiel had chosen this place, because apparently his carer, Sebastian, had a stand here, selling socks and he and the other boys living in his home, were helping him out there. Since Cas had explained his situation to Dean, he had actually been way more open with him about it and Dean had a feeling this Sebastian guy was the closest thing Cas had to a father so he was curious to meet him. The others of course already knew him.

Dean met up with Charlie, Garth and Bess before they went to find the stand where Castiel already would be waiting for them.

When they found the stand, Castiel was standing in front of it and a guy, who couldn’t be Sebastian because he seemed way too young, was behind the stand minding it. Cas saw them and waved them over.

“Oh, so you do have friends that aren’t imaginary.”, the guy teased Cas when the four of them had reached them. Cas rolled his eyes at him and then introduced him as Gabriel.

Dean wasn’t sure what to make of him and looked at him skeptically.

They were talking for a bit until an older guy, probably in his mid-30s, arrived. Dean recognized the friendly face with the scruffy beard from one of the pictures in Castiel’s room. This must be Sebastian. He greeted Charlie and the others with a smile and then turned to Dean.

“You must be Dean. Nice to meet you.”, he said and offered his hand to shake, which Dean accepted. He was very friendly and Dean appreciated the warm welcome, though he realized that if he knew about him Cas must have actually talked about him and it made Dean a bit nervous. What if he told him about that stupid prank with Alastair and this dude now thinks he sucks. Though he did seem genuinely friendly.

The gang then left to look at the other stands. Dean was surprised at how many hand-crafted things were being sold. They sometimes stopped, as Charlie and Bess were both looking for Christmas presents for their parents. Dean also stopped at a stand that had some old books. He found one, a really old one as it seemed, that was about these Mysteries that appeared in the 1800s that were never solved. He was sure Sam would like it, so he decided to buy it for him as a Christmas present. Suddenly he was really excited to give it to him and wanting to see his reaction.

After they had all gotten what they were looking for, they went to the stand that sold cider and they all bought a cup. Dean was surprised they didn’t ask for ID, but he definitely didn’t complain. Once they had the drinks they went to one of the bar tables that were close by. Dean and Garth got into a deep discussion about the newest update of Call of Duty and the others were talking about their Christmas plans. Time passed pretty fast and Dean didn’t even notice how dark it had gotten. They kept going back to get more rounds of cider and got a few portions of fries to share, but it didn’t really help Cas and Bess who both seemed to be a bit lightweight. They didn’t get really drunk but they were a bit tipsy and it made for great entertainment. It was a fun and light scene, Christmas music in the background, that the different stands blasted through speakers, laughter about Bess having no filter and spilling the story about how Garth completely embarrassed himself when he first met her parents and Castiel laughing more than he probably would if he had been completely sober. It may not be Christmas to the day, but if every year he’d have Christmas memories like this, Dean might actually start liking the season.

When it was time for them to be picked up by their parents they all went to wait together. Garth and Bess were picked up first and then Charlie, so it was only Cas and Dean left now, waiting for Dean’s dad, as Cas would stay to help Sebastian and Gabriel pack up the stand and go home with them later on. When John still hadn’t shown up after 10 minutes after the agreed upon time, Dean called him and he answered, saying he had forgotten but Sam reminded him so he was on his way now. Dean was used to this, so he wasn’t really surprised. He hung up and turned back to Cas, who was still waiting with him.

“My dad will be even more late.”, Dean told him and then lifted himself to sit on a stone wall on the side of the street. “You don’t have to wait with me.”

It was really cold now, as it was completely dark, so he didn’t want to force Cas to stay here when he could get a warm drink back at the fair.

“No, I’m fine, I’ll wait with you.”, Cas said and tried to lift himself onto the wall next to Dean, but Dean had to assist him. Cas wasn’t as tipsy anymore as he was before, but still enough for Dean to notice.

“Sure you’re not too cold?”, Dean asked a bit worried, not wanting to be responsible for Cas to come down with another cold.

“I’m fine.”, Cas said with his cute tipsy voice, which was a bit higher than normal.

“At least if I get another cold, I won’t have to know my lines by the Christmas break rehearsals. Maybe they’ll make you fill in and read my lines.”, Cas joked and Dean had to laugh. They had scheduled some rehearsals over the break but Dean wouldn’t have to attend.

“You know I won’t go to the rehearsals if I don’t have to.”, Dean said and for some reason felt a bit guilty about it. He probably would go, but it’d mean he had to tell his dad that he wanted to and that just wasn’t really an option.

“I know.”, Cas answered and Dean felt like he had detected a small tone of disappointment. “I wish you would though.”

Dean’s heart skipped a beat at hearing Cas say that. He knew he was a bit tipsy but still, hearing Cas actually say that he wanted him there. It brought that fluttery feeling in his stomach back. While talking Cas hadn’t been looking at Dean, but now he was. And Dean tried to find something to say to that, something like,  _ yes I wish I would be going there too. Wish I’d get to see you … and the others. But I can’t. _

But instead of actually saying something he was just looking. Looking at those bright blue eyes that were somehow sparkling even more under only the light of streetlamps. He wasn’t sure if it was him or Cas who first moved closer, or if either of them even did, but somehow he just saw their faces getting closer. He told himself to move back before their faces actually met but he couldn’t shake it. At least not until he heard a car in the background. A familiar sounding car, and Dean immediately jumped back and down the wall he was sitting on. He then quickly helped Cas down as well, shivering as he was holding onto his arm.

“My dad’s here.”, Dean then said and pointed at the car that had just stopped next to them. He looked at Cas, waiting for a reply, while his heart was beating out of his chest.   
“Well, see you then. And Merry Christmas, I guess.”, Cas said and gave Dean a really soft smile which he wanted to return as well but he was still a bit shaken up and really had to force himself to even say something.

“Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, Cas. I’ll see you after the break.”, he managed to get out before turning to his dad’s car and getting in, actually being a bit relieved to be getting away right now.

The whole ride back, Dean and his Father were quiet. It was normal actually, but Dean didn’t feel like it was quiet. His mind was screaming. Maybe, if he ignored what just happened, or well, almost happened, then maybe Cas would too? Or did anything even happen? Almost happen? Nothing happened. They were talking, then Dean’s Dad arrived and Dean went home. Yes. That was it. Merry Christmas, Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ll probably take a week off and update this in 2 weeks again. I barely had time to finish this, actually wanted to upload yesterday but I made it finally yay 🎉 I wish everyone happy holidays, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I hope you’re having a good time and good start in the new year :D <3


	6. Coming Out

Dean’s actual Christmas had been pretty much the same as it had been every year. Sam and him had spent most time playing games on the playstation, mostly the new ones Dean got, their Dad hadn’t really put much effort into it and Christmas Dinner was takeout. But he and Sam at least hadn’t fought about anything this year. Sam always tried a bit too hard to enjoy Christmas despite being what it is for them, and normally Dean had always gotten annoyed at it, but this year he kinda understood. Christmas wasn’t supposed to be like that and if Sam had enough energy to pretend it wasn’t bad then he should enjoy that. Sam had actually found some funny animated Christmas gifs that he sent Dean, who immediately forwarded them to the drama gang group. On Christmas day, Dean had called Castiel and talked with him for about an hour. He was glad it wasn’t awkward after how weirdly the last time he had seen him had ended. It was ironic how he actually envied Cas for the way he had spent Christmas with the other guys from the house share. On Christmas Eve one of them had gotten so drunk, they almost set the Christmas tree on fire. Luckily they stopped him, but just how excited Cas had sounded when telling the story and everything else he had done for Christmas, it made Dean feel happy. Cas had also brought up the rehearsals again, that Dean already said he wouldn’t go to. At first he had only been talking about being so bad at memorizing his lines and only subtly hinted at how fun it might be though and obviously tried to get Dean to come. And he really wanted to. He had thought a lot about excuses for his Dad but none seemed good enough so far, so he decided to let it go. If anyone found out he willingly went to drama rehearsals during the break, that would be it. Bye bye, football guy status.

Little did Dean know that a few days before the second winter break rehearsal, David would text him to say he can’t be there and that he really thinks one of them should be though. His message sounded a lot like begging, which really worked for Dean. He could show his dad and pretend like he didn’t want to, but that he’d be scared to lose credits, or have someone else take over his job and that he’d be forced on stage after all. And luckily, it worked. Dean immediately texted their group chat and told the others  _ ‘looks like you’ll see me at the rehearsal after all’ _ .

  
  


Dean arrived at the rehearsal the same time Garth and Bess did. They went inside together and shared some Christmas stories, though for obvious reasons it was mostly them sharing. Charlie and Cas arrived shortly after the three of them had gone inside and Dean had to ignore this big jump his heart made when he saw them.

They all talked for a bit and Dean caught himself constantly making eye contact with Cas, which was kinda embarrassing. After a few minutes of talking, their teacher called out and said for everyone to get to their respective posts. They split up but before Cas left, he looked at Dean.

“I’m glad you came.”, he said, smiling softly, making Dean’s insides clench up again.

“Me too.”, Dean answered, “Actually-”, he started to try explaining why he was here.

He wasn’t even sure if he would have said he wanted to come either way, but he got interrupted anyway. His phone had rang and while he initially thought it might be his dad, who he conveniently unmuted again, he picked it up to see it was Lisa. They had been on a date before Christmas, though Dean still struggled to properly feel anything for her besides basic attraction. They did say they wanted to arrange to meet again during the break though, so Dean figured that would be why she was calling.

“I’m sorry, I should take this.”, Dean apologized to Cas, though he just said it so Cas wouldn’t ask who it was and why he was ignoring their calls.

“It’s fine, I have to go get read through some more lines anyway.”

They parted and Dean answered the call while walking back to his post.

  
  


Castiel went to the second row of audience chairs, sitting down next to Charlie, who already had the script in her hand, reading through her own lines. They would start rehearsing a scene, neither of them were in. After taking out his script, he turned around to steal another look at Dean and had to smile at seeing him playing around with the brightness of the stage lights.

Charlie must have noticed.

“What are you smiling about?”, she asked.   
“Well, I subtly tried to get Dean to come to the rehearsal and now he’s here, so….”, he said a bit smugly. He had been slightly worried he was too subtle, though he did remember directly saying he wished Dean would come when he had been a bit tipsy, back when they were at the christmas fair, but Castiel wasn’t gonna bring that up.

Charlie turned around to look at Dean for a second and then looked back to Cas, her face being quite the opposite from his enthusiastic one.

“I’m sorry, Cas, I hope I’m wrong, but as far as I know, he’s only here because David can’t come and begged him to have someone here to take care of the lights." 

“Oh.”, Cas said and his face dropped. He felt stupid, having thought Dean was here because of him when the actual reason had been so obvious.

“Don’t be sad now, maybe he would have come anyway. He definitely seemed happy to be here before.”, she tried cheering him up, but Cas just had another realization. It hadn’t clicked before, but he remembered seeing the name on Dean’s screen when he picked up his phone. Lisa, the girl he had made out with. Immediately Cas felt himself get jealous. It was weird, he talked to Dean so much, but he never mentions her. It was probably better, as Castiel wasn’t the best at handling jealousy, but it also made him forget that she existed. He had kept telling himself that she had only been a party hook up for Dean, despite thinking he saw her wear his flannel once, or hearing her friends gossip about Dean. And now the phone call. But who knows? Maybe they were just working on some project together. If Dean didn’t mention her, she can’t be that important, right?

  
  


The next week, when school had started again, at the drama rehearsal Dean was a bit late, so he didn’t get the chance to talk with anyone before they started. He had run into Lisa before, who he had recently been on a second date with. It had been nicer than he expected and at some point he had found himself actually talking about drama club and must have rambled on, but Lisa hadn’t seemed to mind and actually seemed impressed a bit. Dean figured as long as they got along he could keep seeing her, his friends would stop the teasing and she was nice, a bit boring, but nice. Maybe he’d still fall for her and if not, she wasn’t the first girl he went out with without developing actual feelings.

During the rehearsal, Dean was quite stressed, because he lost his notes on which he kept the instructions for the lights on and he kept turning them on too late. David tried to help, but they split the work so he couldn’t help much either. Dean’s mood quickly decreased, everyone always turned their heads to them, waiting for the lights and Dean felt himself getting very panicked by that. 

He felt incredibly relieved, when the short break they’d always take, finally was on. He’d get to speak to the others and hopefully they’d reassure him that it wasn’t too bad or something. But as he was trying to make his way there, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw it was Lisa, who apparently just came in, as the door, connecting the theatre with the school, still was open.

“You dropped this before and it seemed important, so I thought I’d quickly bring it.”, she said and gave him the notes he had been so anxiously looking for. He smiled in relief.   
“Thank you. You have no idea how much you just helped me.”, he said and enjoyed finally relaxing a bit.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to thank me.”, she said and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek, before leaving the theatre the same way she came in. She had cheerleading practice right now, which Dean knew, so she probably also just had a small break and had to return. Dean didn’t feel uncomfortable about the kiss, but more about the setting it happened in. He hadn’t told any of his friends here about Lisa and he really didn’t want to. He couldn’t explain why, but Lisa was a part of footballer Dean, not this Dean. 

Unfortunately, as he turned back around he saw Garth and Castiel approaching him. For some inexplicable reason, Dean struggled with looking at Cas though.

“Are you two dating?”, Garth immediately asked and signaled between Dean and the door Lisa had just left through. Dean didn’t look at Cas when answering.

“I guess so. Early days and all that.”

“Well, if it does work out and Charlie finally goes out with Leyla,” Garth now turned to Castiel, “then you’re the only single one in the group, my friend.”

Dean now felt himself forced to look at Cas, who changed from his unreadable expression to rolling his eyes at Garth. Dean kinda panicked, he felt like he had to say something.   
“I’m sure, you’ll find the right girl soon.”, he said and stupidly patted Cas’ shoulder, who now was kind of looking at him slightly horrified. Why did Dean say that, he never even thought about Cas with someone. He didn’t  _ want _ Cas with someone, actually. But he shoved all these thoughts down immediately and focused on Garth again, who suddenly seemed a bit uncomfortable and switched looks between Dean and Cas, before having some sort of telepathic conversation with Castiel apparently and then leaving Cas and Dean after a nod from Castiel. Dean was very confused now, but he was too scared to say something stupid again to actually ask what was happening.

“Dean, there’s something I need to tell you.”, Cas said and Dean saw him suddenly seem worried. What was he gonna tell him?

Castiel signaled Dean to go to one of the last rows in the audience, where no one was around and they could have a private conversation.

When they sat down, Dean noticed Castiel getting very anxious and shaking a bit. He wanted to comfort him but he didn’t know how and he started getting worried about what Cas would tell him.

There was a bit of an awkward silence for a while, and Cas was staring just at his hands in his laps, apparently trying to find words to whatever he was gonna say now, while Dean was focused on Cas’ face, wanting to just wrap him in his arms more and more now that he looked so anxious. But then Cas lifted his face and looked directly into Dean’s eyes and without hesitation spoke.

“I’m gay.”

Oh. OH. Dean felt paralyzed for a second there. He should have expected that. Or should he have? It made sense, it was kind of a bit obvious. But also he probably tried not to think about it too much. It didn’t change anything. Castiel was his friend and he just told him something big so he should not make that about himself.

While Dean tried to control his internal panicking, that he wasn’t sure why was happening, he managed to think of something that was probably okay to say.

“Why haven’t you told me before?”, he asked, also kinda scared now of the answer. He really hoped he didn’t seem like someone having a problem with it. He really didn’t. Though something in him reacted differently, than he normally felt when someone told him they were gay. It wasn’t a negative feeling or anything but something Dean couldn’t immediately identify so he shoved it down.

“I don’t know.. a lot of guys don’t… react well to it.”, Cas said and still seemed a bit anxious, but less than before. Dean nodded, knowing what Cas was talking about but also a bit scared, that he had come off as someone like that. To be fair, thinking about his friends, it was probably understandable. Castiel seemed to notice Dean’s worries, immediately commenting on it, as if Dean had thought out loud.

“Not because I was scared you’d bully me or something, really.”, he reassured him, but seemed a bit more rattled now, “It’s just…”, he said and seemed like he was trying to make up an excuse, but an excuse for what?

“I just didn't want you to think I had a crush on you or something.”, he said and didn’t look at Dean anymore, but then he suddenly moved to stare right in his eyes again. “Which I don’t, obviously.”

Dean suddenly felt this rush of disappointment. No, why? This is irrelevant, no need to feel this pain in his chest as if his heart was clenching together. He knew that, a few minutes ago, he hadn’t even realized Castiel liked boys, so no reason to be in any way affected by him saying he didn’t like him like that.

“Of course not.”, Dean mumbled while looking at his feet and felt like he just made the situation horribly awkward. He did know how big a deal this must be for Cas though, so he shoved aside his own feelings for a minute and focused on making Cas feel okay before they’d part again.

“I’m glad you told me.”, he said and turned back to face Cas again. “I hope I never made you feel like you couldn’t be honest with me, but I’m glad you were now. I won’t tell anyone, I promise. And of course it doesn’t change anything.”, Dean forced a smile, though forcing was a strong word. He could always genuinely smile around Cas, even when something inside seemed to inexplicably ache.

“I don’t mind people knowing.”, Cas then explained, “I just don’t need the trouble, some people would make about it.”

“I understand.”, Dean said and felt like now the situation finally passed the  _ awkward _ stage. At least on the outside.   
Before they could say more though, the teacher ended their break and both of them had to return to opposite sides of the theatre. With a friendly nod, they parted and Dean hoped that he’d stop thinking about what Cas being gay meant for him. Because it didn’t mean anything. He was a friend and whether he liked boys or girls, or whatever, it did not matter. Or that he said he didn’t have a crush on him. It did not matter. Whatever was happening with his heart right now, had nothing to do with that. Nothing at all.

Once Dean finally left for football and they had another small break, Cas sat down next to his friends with a big sigh. He felt exhausted from having to pretend to be fine as long as Dean was still in the same room.

“What’s wrong?”, Charlie asked, who conveniently missed all of it.

Cas didn’t know where to start, about wanting to die when he saw Lisa and Dean together? Or when Dean basically confirmed they were dating? Or when Cas had finally come out to Dean? When he told him he didn’t like him, though in that moment his head wanted so bad for Dean to tell him he hoped he’d be because he had a crush on him?

“Did you finally tell Dean you’re gay?”, Garth then chimed in, obviously having been there when the moment that prompted it happened.

“Yeah, I did.”, Castiel confirmed with yet another sigh.

“He didn’t react well?”, Bess asked.

“No, he was fine.”, Cas explained and the others looked a bit confused.

“Then what’s wrong?”, Charlie asked again, though Cas had the feeling she already suspected something.

“I told him I didn’t have a crush on him, you know..”, he paused for a second, “like a liar.”

Suddenly Bess turned to Garth.   
“I KNEW IT! You owe me five bucks!”, she triumphed.

To be honest it kinda cheered Cas up. Of course these two had a bet going on whether he had a crush on Dean or not.

“Sorry.”, Bess then said and turned to Cas.

“It’s fine. I guess it was obvious for you guys.”, he said and somehow already felt better. All his friends knowing now, kinda helped.   
“Anyway, I told him I didn’t like him and just before he basically confirmed he was dating this Lisa girl, so not a great day.”

Charlie put her hand on his shoulder in support. Castiel was actually a bit surprised at how quiet she had been so far.

“Well he didn’t seem too enthusiastic talking about her though.”, Garth pointed out the thing Castiel tried to shove down before he naively got his hopes up.

“You two are basically joined at the hip, I would not be surprised if he felt the same.”, Bess said, obviously trying to help. And technically she wasn’t wrong, Dean truly did things that made Castiel very suspicious sometimes. But fact was, he did seem to be dating someone else.

“Charlie, you’re quiet.”, Garth pointed out, not wanting to actually say, you’re the only sane gay in this group, please help poor Cas.

“I just genuinely don’t know.”, she finally said now, “Sometimes I think, oh for sure, he likes Cas, it’s obvious. But then I hear things and I see him with his friends, or I hear some girls talk about him and I’m not sure. He wouldn’t be the first person to date someone while liking someone else, but if I am completely honest, whatever it is, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know himself.”

Charlie and her usual voice of wisdom. There was no point in speculating if there was no answer. And also no point in trying to change anything about the situation as long as the drama play was still happening. Because there’d be no escape from him.

So after some more talking with his friends, Castiel decided to just keep going like always and see what will happen. But he was glad to have this little group, always there for him, always trying to support him.

  
  


The following week, Dean ran into Charlie and Castiel before school started. Luckily, he had met the group on the weekend already and knew that there was no awkwardness between him and Cas now. At least not really. He still felt things he couldn’t explain around him, but he knew it wasn’t because he now knew he was gay. He didn’t really think about why that was too much at all, scared of what he might conclude.

“Good morning.”, he greeted the two with a big smile, happy that his day started with getting to talk to them.

“Is it?”, Cas said and Dean noticed how tired he looked.

“Awww, poor baby.”, Charlie teased him and Dean wondered what this was about. He didn’t need to ask though, as apparently his confusion was visible and Cas explained.

“This one,”, he started and pointed to Charlie, “got me to finally start watching Doctor Who. And I got so caught up when I started the first episode last night, I forgot the time and now ended up with barely any sleep.”

Charlie laughed and to be fair, Dean had to smirk a bit as well.

“Oh come on, Cas, you talk as if you’re the first person to ever stay up late to watch TV shows and forget the time. I do that at least once a week.”, Charlie then said obviously not showing any sympathy.

“Wait.”, Dean only now realized, “Doctor Who? Isn’t that this british alien nerd show? And that’s what kept you up all night?”

Dean had never seen a single episode, but he remembered Sam being away in his room every free minute he had, back when he watched it and Dean always made fun of him for being a nerd. He felt compelled to do the same now.

“Don’t laugh, Dean.”, Charlie immediately chimed in, “I’m actually pretty sure you’d like it as well.”

Dean scoffed at first, but to be honest he actually knew too little about it to know for sure.   
“Yeah, actually. I mean, I’ve only seen the first few episodes so far, but I’m quite sure you might like it too.”, Cas then said, making Dean actually consider giving it a try now.

He didn’t want to admit that right now though, after just having made fun of it, but if Cas said so, maybe he really would like it.

  
  


The same evening, Dean snuck into his brother’s room and stole his Doctor Who DVDs. He went back two his own room to watch the first few episodes on his laptop, using headphones of course, so Sam wouldn’t pass and hear. He’d never hear the end of it. 

For some reason, Dean found himself wanting to talk about actually liking it and before he thought about it any more he had already dialed Cas’ number.

“Hello, Dean.”, he heard on the other end. It was kinda normal that they randomly called each other, but Dean still shivered every time Cas picked up and immediately knew it was him.

“So, don’t make fun of me, but I actually just watched the first episodes of Doctor Who and… I like it.”, Dean confessed and noticed himself talking very fast.

Luckily, Cas wasn’t being smug about it and they talked for quite a bit before there was a short silence from the other end. Dean felt like taking the chance and suggesting that they maybe could watch it together. Sometimes in person, sometimes while talking on the phone. But he was scared to.

“Maybe…”, Cas now shyly said and Dean wondered what he wanted to say, “If you want, you could.. come over tomorrow? And we could watch a few episodes together?”

Dean’s heart stopped for a second at the suggestion he literally wanted to make himself but was too much a coward to ask. It’s why he didn’t answer right away and probably made Castiel worried.

“I mean, only if you’re comfortable with it… you know since I told you…”

That’s when Dean immediately stopped him to agree. He couldn’t let Cas think he felt uncomfortable being alone with him now. That’d be unfair and simply untrue.

“No, of course. I think it’s a great idea. Saves us the phone bill talking about it afterwards.”, he tried joking, as if there was an actual phone bill. Cas didn’t seem to mind though and Dean felt like he could hear his relief through the phone.

“Good. I’m gonna go sleep now, still need to catch up on some hours.”, Cas then said.

“Yeah, good night, until tomorrow then.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Dean remembered how great he had felt before Christmas, watching movies with Cas. The thought of having a nice afternoon like that again, it made him feel happy.

They had already watched about 3 episodes and it was exactly like Dean had hoped. Having to be pressed against each other's shoulders for space, Castiel’s breath soothing him and laughing and talking about the show. If every afternoon was like this, Dean might actually start enjoying life.

They were just about to start their 4th episode when a knock on Castiel’s door interrupted them and a guy, who Dean hadn’t seen before, came in.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt.”, he said and Dean suddenly felt a bit unease at someone seeing them so close.

“We’re just watching something, what’s up?”, Cas then asked.

“Well, you told me to always remind you at 7pm, that you have to rehearse your lines if you weren’t already?”, he explained and Dean had to stop a smile. Castiel actually told people to remind him to do things like that and it was kinda cute.

Cas quickly checked the time to notice it really already was seven and when the guy left again, Dean realized this meant he should probably leave now and suddenly he didn’t feel like smiling anymore.

“I should probably go then.” he said and got up from the bed, being reminded of the cold shiver he had felt last time he did that. He didn’t really want to go home, his dad wouldn’t even be home for another few hours and notice he was gone, so it seemed like a wasted opportunity.

Dean had his back already turned to Castiel when he finally spoke.

“Unless, you wanna help me rehearse? Read the other part?”, Cas suggested and Dean had never felt this happy to be reading their script.

“Yeah, sure.”, Dean agreed, as if he didn’t just feel like his evening got saved. As long as he could stay here, he was fine.

Cas pointed to the script on his desk, which was already opened. He then closed the Laptop, put it away and straightened his back to sit upright. Dean picked up the script and sat down in front of Castiel at the end of the bed, crossing his legs, so he could read the lines without Cas peaking at his own. He might not be as close to him anymore but it still felt warm. 

“Act 2, Scene 13..”, Dean started reading the script at the page that it was already opened at.

Suddenly, Cas reached for the script in Dean’s hand and flipped it onto one of the earlier sites.

“No! Not that one.”, he said and seemed very disturbed.

Dean was confused, but decided not to question it. Maybe he just didn’t need to know that scene already. He picked out one of the first scenes Cas was in and gave his best to read the lines normally, not too lame but also not as if he was making fun of it, even if he really felt like doing it. He caught himself having to focus on the script and not Cas sometimes, but besides that, he actually felt really well about helping Castiel. Even if it was something this small, it gave him a purpose, it made him feel good. It was a rare moment that he found more and more around Cas. It felt special.


	7. Act 2 Scene 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I’m taking so long to update, but I’m currently having exams and can barely find the energy to write but I have a lot of plans for this so don’t worry, I will soon be back to regularly updating :) I'm a bit nervous about this Chapter because it went a bit different than planned so I hope you still like it :)

At drama rehearsal, Dean remembered thinking about checking what scene it was that Castiel had not wanted to rehearse with him. At first he hadn’t thought too much of it, but he started wondering why he had seemed so panicked. Unfortunately though, Dean had forgotten which one it was. Still, his mind couldn’t let it rest.

“Dean?”, David asked suddenly and pulled Dean away from his thoughts. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. Sure, what’s up?”, Dean answered, wondering what he would ask that was necessary to get permission first.

“You’re dating that Cheerleader, Lisa, right?”

Dean wanted to let out a big sigh. Was that literally all everyone talked about lately? He didn’t bother to properly answer so he only nodded and waited for David to continue.

“Do you think you could maybe, like... I don’t know, put in a good word or something with one of her friends? There’s this girl, Pia, she’s friends with her and I’ve been crushing on her since like… forever.”, David explained and Dean noticed the boy’s cheeks turning a bit red. He knew who he was talking about.

“Sure. I can try.”, Dean instantly answered before another, unrelated thought occurred to him. “Do you know if any scenes of the play got cut?”

“No, I don’t think so, why?”, David asked then, visibly confused at the sudden change of subject.   
“No reason.”, Dean answered, having thought that that might have been another situation for not needing to rehearse the scene Cas stopped him from reading. He had read every scene from the play but he couldn’t remember well enough to know if there were any someone wouldn’t want to rehearse with a friend. He was probably just reading too much into this anyway. 

“Also…”, David once again interrupted Dean’s thoughts. “I was wondering if you wanted to come to my birthday party in a few weeks. It’s gonna be my 18th and I know it’s not your usual crowd, but-”, Dean cut him off by immediately agreeing. “Yeah, of course, I’ll come.”, he actually felt really flattered. Normally he didn’t get invited to anything directly. It were always situations where he’d be invited as a group with his friends. He also felt bad for having David think he might not want to because of who he usually hung out with.

“Who knows, maybe I can get Pia there too.”, Dean offered. He really cherished this friendship with David he had built over the last few weeks. All on his own. No one to push him to be nice, no one to get him to talk, just by working together. It was weird, he had become friends with Crowley, Benny and Alastair only a few weeks being new at this school, but ever since he joined the drama club, he felt like it had only been now that he actually made friends.

  
  


Friday afternoon, Dean and Sam were in the city, waiting for their dad to do whatever it is he needed to do, before they went on to stay with Bobby this weekend. They were just walking around, waiting for their dad to text that he was done.

“Dean, you remember you promised to drive me and a friend to the cinema next week, right?”, Sam asked and Dean acted offended at the accusation of forgetting it, when in fact he had forgotten.

“Of course, I remember.”, he said and sulked.   
“Good.”, Sam mumbled before his eyes went big on the sight of something.

“Dean!!”, he suddenly exclaimed and pulled at his brother’s jacket.

“What?”, Dean asked annoyed. 

“I  _ need _ to go to that shop! It just recently opened!”, he said, very excited and pointed at one of the shops they were about to pass.

Dean recognized that it was some nerd shop, with merchandise like these creepy little figure dolls, T-Shirts and stuff from movies, books or TV shows. He noticed a Tardis model, from Doctor Who, in the window.

“Seriously?”, he said, knowing there’d be no point in waiting outside if Sam wanted to go in. As expected, his little brother didn’t really wait for a response and entered the shop, followed by a pouting Dean.

Dean wasn’t surprised by who he saw right next to the T-shirt stand as soon as they went in. He’d recognize that red hair anywhere.

“Dean!”, Charlie exclaimed surprised when she saw him as well, before approaching him and his brother.

“Should have known to expect to see you here.”, Dean joked as he greeted her.

“Fair enough, but I did not expect to see you. We must be rubbing off on you.”, she teased and Dean did not even want to think about letting Sam have this.

“Don’t flatter yourself, this nerd dragged me here.”, he pointed to Sam and realized Charlie had probably never met him before.

“This is Sam. My little brother.”, he introduced him and Sam politely stretched out his hand as if this was some sort of formal meeting. Charlie reciprocated though and shook his hand.

“I’m Charlie. I’m in drama club with your brother.”, she explained.   
“Oh, I know who you are. Some of my friends go there, too.”, Sam smugly said as if there was something specific he had heard but he didn’t elaborate.

Charlie and Sam ended up exploring the shop together, while Dean just followed them, pretending to not care despite thinking some of this stuff actually looked cool. He was surprised to find merchandise related to things he liked as well. The problem arose when they reached the doctor who section and Dean had to pretend to have no idea what they were talking about when he in fact understood quite a lot, having already made it through almost the full first season with Cas. Looking at all this stuff and thinking about how much Cas would probably love it, Dean just had to mention it.

“Does Cas already know about this shop?”, Dean asked Charlie and didn’t even realize at first that he had interrupted a discussion between her and his brother.

“Eh, Yeah he does. We wanted to go together but he got held up at the house.”, she explained sounding a bit confused by the question. But then she smirked. “Why do you ask?”

Dean shrugged and tried not to blush. “Just thought he would like this too.”

Charlie didn’t stop her smirk for another few seconds and gave him a side look before returning to her conversation with Sam, who had been surprisingly quiet.

What was that smirk for? Wasn’t it normal to see something and immediately think about whether or not your friend would like it? It happened to him a lot, when he watched TV with Sam or when he listened to music, or when he saw a restaurant barely having vegetarian options, he would ask himself if Cas would like it, but that’s normal for friends, right? 

  
  


Castiel was sitting in his room, going through his last few scenes one more time. He finally felt like he knew his lines and could stop rehearsing them so aggressively every free minute. But he got interrupted by Charlie calling him and he decided to take a break.

“Hello.”, he answered, intrigued about what gossip she had, to call at this time on a Friday. It must be gossip or else Charlie wouldn’t call this randomly.

“Hey, Cas. You know who I met in the city today?”, she asked.   
“No, but I’m sure, you’ll tell me.”, Cas then said, knowing this is how most her gossip started.

“Dean Winchester and his little brother Sam. And I found out quite some interesting things.”

At the mention of Dean’s name, Cas suddenly got very curious. He would even be scared if Charlie didn’t sound so smug. Still, he felt his heart beat a bit faster, wanting to know what she meant.

“Go on.”, he instructed impatiently.

“So, his brother is actually pretty chill, we talked quite a bit while Dean was just waiting around. Anyway, we met in this new shop that we wanted to go to and completely unprompted and randomly, Dean brought you up. He had been quiet for like 5 minutes, letting me and Sam talk before out of nothing, he asked if you knew about the shop or whatever. Anyway, when Sam and I both decided to buy something and went to the cashier, he went to wait outside, and well, I couldn’t help myself. So I was like,  _ you know Sam, Cas is a friend of ours from drama club _ and tried to explain why Dean might ask if you knew this shop… anyway he didn’t even need to be told because he said he knows who you are and that Dean actually mentions you _ a lot _ .”

Cas felt himself get flustered. The thought of Dean actually talking about him? But he couldn’t let himself get carried away.

“But what if he’s just someone who likes to talk about the people he knows a lot? Maybe he and his brother are just that close.”, Cas voiced what he thought to be more rational than freak out over Dean’s brother knowing who he was because he mentioned him  _ a lot _ .

“That’s what I thought, but then I mentioned Lisa and this is where it gets interesting. Sam had no idea what I was talking about, he said he heard some rumours at school but he’d never dare to actually ask Dean about it and he seemed a bit surprised when I told him they are dating.”

Cas felt his brain trying to figure out how not to over-interpret this. Dean’s brother knew about  _ him _ but not the girl he was dating? 

“Maybe he just isn’t that close to him? Maybe they’re close enough to talk about friends but not close enough that Dean wants him to know who he is dating?”, Cas kept questioning this whole thing, trying to have his head rule his heart, that truly wanted to read too much into this right now. He just wanted to take any crumb, anything to keep this shimmer of hope alive.

“I don’t know, Cas. To be honest I can’t tell you what to think either. I got the impression that Dean even mentioning  _ anyone _ to Sam wasn’t a regular thing. He introduced me, assuming Sam didn’t know me, and I’m also just a friend from drama club. But this is still Dean, you know. I can’t read that dude for the life of me. I’ve seen girls act like this but I seriously do not know what is up with him and it’s really starting to frustrate me.”

Cas laughed, “Imagine what it’s like for me.”

“Anyway, I wanted to tell you about it because well, we need to figure out what his deal is. Especially with this Lisa situation. Maybe I should give that cheerleader another chance and see if I can find anything out.”

“No need for that, please. That girl was crazy.”, Cas reminded Charlie that nothing was worth getting with that girl again.   
“You’re probably right. We just have to keep waiting and observing then I guess.”, Charlie said and sighed. She made it sound quite stalkerish but Cas knew how she meant it.

“Well, he’ll come over again on monday, so we’ll see.”, he pointed out. He really didn’t know how long he could go on with the rollercoaster ride this crush was forcing him to be on. If he just weren’t so scared of confrontation.

  
  


When Dean had been at Cas’ place to watch Doctor Who again, it had been like always. It had probably even become Dean’s favourite part of the week. He just felt so at ease and comfortable there. Just, squeezed on Cas’ bed, watching a TV show. The only thing that had made him uneasy were the text messages he kept getting from Lisa. He had to turn his phone on silent because he didn’t want Cas to notice he was ignoring her and asking why. It was just that, Lisa and Cas in the same context, it didn’t work in Dean’s head. He couldn’t explain why but even thinking about them in the same sentence seemed wrong to him so he preferred not to have to talk about her in front of Castiel. And besides, there was no real reason why he had ignored her messages, so he wouldn’t even have had an explanation.

While he had been there, he had forgotten the time and knew he wouldn’t manage to be home before his dad. On the way back, he got worried about his dad asking where he was, who he was with and why he was home so late on a school day. Immediately, he already wished he hadn’t left Castiel’s place.

When he arrived home, he tried to be as quiet as possible. But he ran into his dad right after going through the front door, as John was on his way to the kitchen.

“Oh Dean.”, he said, surprised to see him and Dean was a bit startled.   
“Sorry, I’m late.”, Dean apologized, though he wasn’t really sorry. He had learned how to apologize on default.

“No, I didn’t even notice you weren’t here. Had fun?”, John said, surprisingly calm. He didn’t wait for an answer and left a slightly confused Dean standing.

He didn’t know what he preferred, his dad getting angry or not even caring at all.

When he went upstairs to go to his room, Sam must have heard his footsteps on the stairs, as he came out of his room to talk to Dean.

“Did you take my Doctor Who DVD’s?”, he asked hastily and crossed his arms before Dean, to try and stop him from walking further to his room.

“No, why would I?”, Dean lied.   
“I don’t know, to annoy me? Someone took them.”

“It wasn’t me. Search my room if you don’t believe me, weirdo.”, Dean said, knowing fully well he wouldn’t find them, because he left them with Cas. He squeezed past Sam and went into his room, looking back before closing the door to see an annoyed Sam go back to his room as well. He let himself fall on his bed and conveniently ignored all the school work on his desk. As he was lying there he started feeling like there was an empty space next to him. He was longing for something… for  _ someone _ to be there. To feel the warmth of another person, the calmness in their breath, the comfort in their heartbeat synchronising with yours. Just like it had been a few hours ago… Dean realized where this train of thought would end up, so he immediately shot up from the bed and tried to shake away these thoughts. He wouldn’t go there. He couldn’t go there. 

He took out his phone and finally answered Lisa’s texts. He asked her if she was free to hang out tomorrow, ignoring that he should probably start studying for a test next week. After she agreed, he put his phone away and went for a shower, hoping it would distract him from whatever he was feeling right now.

  
  
  


After having met with Lisa at her place, Dean felt more focussed again. It hadn’t been exactly an amazing date, but he definitely had enjoyed the physical stuff. And while their conversations had been a bit dry, they weren't as boring as they had sometimes been before. When she had started to talk about her college plans though, that’s when Dean had really tried to shift the subject as fast as possible. He knew they were graduating in a few months, but he had no idea what he wanted to do after that and he preferred to not think about the future. Especially, because he was scared she would try and shift that to their future as a couple, when Dean truly wasn’t sure what he should say about that.

Having hung out with Lisa though, made Dean feel like he was back in his lane and he was firm on not letting anything change that. It might not always feel right, being with her, but it should, she was a beautiful attractive girl, and as a football player, dating a cheerleader was the perfect story. So he was in no place where he should want to change that.

Little did he know though, the emotional turmoil the drama rehearsal that he was about to go to would bring.

They didn’t rehearse with all the technical stuff that day, as the teacher wanted the focus to be on the acting and them knowing their lines, so Dean and David got to watch and sat in the second row. They went through a few scenes, Dean wasn’t too bothered and spent most time on his phone. He did passively listen though, they were getting to the end of the play and while he would never admit it, he actually didn’t understand the end when reading it the first time and hoped he would now, if they’d get to it.

“Okay, next scene… Act 2 Scene 13. That’s Castiel and Hannah.”, the teacher called out after the current scene had been done. Dean looked up for a second to see a few people leaving the stage, while Cas, who had already been in the last scene, stayed.

“Hannah’s sick today.”, a girl informed the teacher, who let out a big sigh.

“Seriously?”, she said and Dean buried his nose back in his phone. This rehearsal had been a bit dry, he felt and didn’t even see why he needed to be here.

“I really wanted to see the scene though… we somehow keep skipping it...”, the teacher mumbled.

“Dean Winchester.”, she then suddenly announced in a vindictive tone and Dean immediately looked up at her and put his phone away.

“If you like reading on your phone so much, maybe you can go read Hannah’s part.”, she said with that stupid teacher-fake-grin, when they pretend to do smth nice but know they’re torturing the students.

“I’m sorry, do I have to?”, Dean asked, really not feeling like going on stage right now. Even if it was just reading for a rehearsal.

“Yeah, I think you do.”, the teacher said and Dean sighed, deciding not to argue. After all, he still needed the drama club credits. And besides, he had seen people read for missing actors before, it is just standing on stage reading out loud while the others do their thing. He grabbed the script, Charlie was nicely holding out for him, as he obviously didn’t bring his. He went on stage to stand opposite to Cas, who greeted him with a small smile, but inexplicably, Dean noticed Cas’ eyes looking a bit horrified. Maybe he didn’t know the lines for this scene too well?

Dean looked down at the script, it was Hannah’s time to start, so after a nod from the teacher, he let out a big sigh and started reading.

It took Dean until halfway through the scene to recognize and realize that it had been this exact scene that Cas hadn’t wanted to rehearse with him. He didn’t yet get why, it was simple stuff so far, just talking about some of the plot. But the further they got, the more Dean had to bury his face in the script and not dare to look at Cas, because he realized... This was a romantic scene. Suddenly, Dean got a bit nervous. He hadn’t prepared for this. He wanted to read ahead and find out what was about to happen, but he didn’t want to risk getting lost. As guarded as he could, he tried reading the lines now. Getting more and more anxious. He didn’t dare, look at Castiel, whose voice had become very calm and soft and while Dean knew he was acting, he had to focus hard to not stop reading along and just listen to it. Judging by Castiel’s movements, that Dean noted despite staring at the papers in his hands, he was acting out the scene perfectly, remembering every director's note and following the instructions.

_ He takes a step closer to her. _

Oh no. 

“I didn’t  _ want _ to leave you. But you know I had to.”

Dean read Hannah’s next line out loud now. 

“And now you’re back.”

_ He takes another step closer and carefully takes her hand. _

Luckily for Dean, even if he had wanted to, Castiel wasn’t able to take his hand, because he was holding the script. But he did stand close enough now that he could have. Dean saw the scene was close to being finished, but he didn’t have to read any lines anymore. It was only Cas now who would have to speak. He dared looking up at him for just a few moments.

“When I got hurt in the war, I didn’t think about coming back. I thought that was it. I thought I’d die. And… I thought about you.”

_ He takes a second to breathe and they lose themselves in each other's eyes for a bit. _

Dean read that instruction and deliberately didn’t look up, but he felt Cas’ eyes piercing through him. He felt it and he knew if he’d look up now he wouldn’t need an instruction to forget himself.

_ He starts ranting. _

“I thought about your smile, your eyes… your laugh. And I was at peace. But then I survived, and I got to come home and I got a second chance at life and now I’m here and… and I don’t want to….”

_ Short Pause. _

Dean read what was happening next, the end of the scene and he felt his heart race as fast as it probably could without collapsing. He closed the script and looked at Cas. He seemed to be fully in character, just lovingly looking into Dean’s eyes and Dean prayed that his legs wouldn’t give in beneath him. He knew he should have kept burying his face in the script, but it was too late now. 

“I don’t want to have this second chance at life, if I can’t have it with you.”

They were just staring at each other now, both knowing what the script demanded to happen next. They were past only reading rehearsals, so they knew the teacher expected the actors to do all the acting parts too. Or in this case, at least Castiel was supposed to. 

_ They lean in closer, as close as they can without actually kissing. _

_ Lights fade. _

And so Cas did what the script said. He leaned in closer. And suddenly Dean was really glad Cas had stopped them from rehearsing this scene back the other day in Castiel’s room. All that stopped Dean from moving in as well right now was the fact that there were people around and he knew there’d be no fading lights like the script demands. A force though tried pulling him closer and he had to try so hard to fight against it. He didn’t even look at Castiel’s deep blue eyes anymore, he was fixated on his lips. Fixated on  **not** moving,  **not** leaning in,  **not** kissing him. Even if everything in him wanted to.

It could have only been a few seconds before the teacher interrupted them, but god, did it feel like hours to Dean.

“Bravo!”, the teacher exclaimed and while Dean stood still, mesmerized, staring at Cas, Castiel jumped back and turned to the audience. 

“Spot on, Castiel, you know these lines perfectly and you were very authentic. I can’t wait to see this once Hannah is back.”

When Dean finally managed to snap out of his paralysis, he didn’t dare look at anyone. He fled from the stage and avoided making eye contact with the others before sitting down next to David. He only managed to sit there for about a minute though, while the teacher gave some more notes to Cas, who Dean definitely didn’t dare to look at right now.

“I need the toilet.”, Dean then lied to David and got up again, taking fast steps to make it out of the theater and hide in an empty bathroom.

He locked himself in a bathroom stall, trying to stop himself from hyperventilating. But it barely worked. His chest hurt, his hands were shaking, he wanted to cry and scream at the same time. All of his efforts to keep all these feelings down, seemed useless now. All the things he suppressed, just reaching the surface. He closed his eyes, but still, all he could see was Castiel’s face, so close to his. His lips just there, asking him to put his own on them. And he had wanted to. He had wanted to kiss those lips more, than he had ever wanted to kiss anyone. But there was also this other feeling emerging in him. Anger. It was like something was boiling in him and he wanted it to stop. He was so angry and he couldn’t really explain why but before he knew it, that anger made him lash out and punch the brick wall above the toilet. When he felt the stinging pain in his hand he realized what he’d done. Horrified, he looked at the wall, being relieved when he found no signs of his punch there. His knuckles on the other hand, clearly bruised but he barely minded the pain. Tears started filling up his eyes and he let himself slide down the back of the stall door and sit on his knees. He didn’t want to get angry like this. He didn’t want to feel this horrible because of things he couldn’t control. It was unfair. All he wanted was to simply feel  _ okay _ . To feel like there was nothing wrong with him. For once in his life, not hate himself for feeling things differently, than what he thought he was supposed to.


End file.
